LOUISE

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

2010-10-07T18:47:00.001+08:00

I really didn’t want to have to do this so soon but here it is. I’m here to announce the end of http://technicoloresque.blogspot.com. But no, this is not the end of me blogging. Far from it. Yes, I am one of those joining in mass exodus to tumblr.

I think every serious blogger will, at some point in their blogging career, want to move to greener pastures. I’m giving up on blogger not because I think it sucks, or it lags, or because of the photo limit or whatever technicalities people usually cite. It’s difficult to leave because I’ve only ever used blogger. And technically, I’ve used the same blog since I started blogging; only the URL has changed since 2007. It’s just that it’s becoming harder and harder to dredge up the inspiration to write long posts. I think the steadily decreasing length of the posts and the sudden influx of tweets can testify to that. I want a blogging platform that allows me to blog as and how I want to, no matter how short the post. I’ve known for a really long time now that I would be leaving blogger behind. I stayed on for ridiculous reasons. Firstly, that I really like this current skin. Secondly, because I like using Windows Live Writer! And thirdly, because the old blog had 278 posts and I am currently 10 posts away from beating that record. This is just the OCD side of me coming out. Somehow having fewer posts in Nov 2008 – Oct 2010 than Jan 2007 – Oct 2008 annoys me. But the gap has become just that much harder to close and I realized it’s not worth bothering anymore.

I think the main reason I can’t blog on http://technicoloresque.blogspot.com anymore, though, is because it represents the high school me. And that’s not someone I can relate to, nor someone I want to remember. If you click on the earlier posts from 2009, you’ll find that the whole feel is too different – a lot more cheerful and upbeat, but it also feels a lot more naive. I’ve become a lot more pessimistic and cynical this year. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad change. Maybe that’s why I really don’t want to be associated with the high school me anymore. Calling it running away if you like. I call it moving on.

I’m leaving this blog open for anyone who’d like to come and view it – if anyone still does. But from now on I’ll be blogging at http://technicoloresque.tumblr.com. Remember to re-link :)

Perfidy.

2010-10-06T22:44:00.001+08:00

The last one strikes me in particular. Right now I heartily wish I had entered college in the July intake like I’d always planned to all along instead of rushing into the January intake. Now a couple of bad decisions have lead to my not being apply to Oxbridge, and a whole pile of other things on my plate – SATs, US apps, UK apps, WHO, A-Levels Production, SASA and the piano advanced cert exam in addition to studies.

And yet I have met the most wonderful friends ever in the Jan intake. It is difficult to imagine life being just as enjoyable without having met them, but I wonder if it is as fair a tradeoff for what I’m going through right now.

The news is that I am sick – in both sense of the word – and tired. Very tired. The lack of sleep has finally gotten to me. Today was a really, really bad day.

Exonerated.

2010-09-29T23:53:00.001+08:00

We should all be aiming for awesomeness.

Evil Eye.

2010-09-27T02:35:00.001+08:00

It is 2.30am and I am up finishing the second draft of my English Lit coursework. This is only the second – there will be two more due before November 15, when the final draft must be handed in. But I think that after tonight, things will go just a little easier.

My tweets are so long and my blog posts are so short.

I SHOULD JUST GET A TUMBLR!

Oracle.

2010-09-22T20:47:00.001+08:00

Three months ago I said that the following 6 months would be the toughest of my life yet. I was right, but I don’t think I had any idea how right I was. Nor would knowing it have made me any more prepared for this.

But today’s a lot better than the previous two days. I’m starting to think I might be able to fight my way out of this (self-induced) mess triumphant after all.

Featherweight.

2010-09-18T00:22:00.001+08:00

At times I simply fail to understand how my body works.

I am five foot two, and for as long as I have been this height (which, ashamedly, since Form 2) I have weighed less than 45 kilograms, usually hovering around 43.5-44.5kg. I always put this down to the fact that I don’t eat much and I am a runner. I ran a lot of long-distance events back in high school. Somehow I’ve always finished 7th –.- but that’s another story.

I’ve also secretly harboured this desire to one day donate blood and therefore do the nation a service and maybe one day save someone’s life. I am also an organ donor. Yes saya rakyat Malaysia yang bersedia berkhidmat kepada negara. But in order to accomplish this I have to qualify lah obviously. Now that I’ve hit the legal age, the only thing that stands in my way is the issue of weight.

I’m heading the club in charge of holding the blood donation drive for HELP College, which will take place on October 13 this year. And I thought that okay if not now then when?

I thought that with the lack of exercise (I haven’t gone jogging since Jog For Hope ended) and all that Turkish delight, baklava and fudge from Istanbul/London and regular midnight snacks back home, I would have gone up in weight over the last two months.

Well GUESS WHAT.

I just stepped on the scales.

They now read 42.5kg.

WHATTHEFREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

D8 D8 D8

I haven’t weighed this little since I was in Form 1. This is beyond upsetting! *flings out one dramatic arm* Will I never be able to donate blood in my lifetime! But even worse than that is the fact that Trishna keeps saying she’s going to balloon out and head the world’s first women’s sumo wrestling team when she hits forty because her metabolism will slow down then.

It looks like she’ll have to reserve a spot for me on the team (i.i)

PS: In hindsight it was never such a good idea to donate blood during my own donation drive since, presumably, I’ll have to help run the event and I can’t do that if I’m lying down fainting from lack of blood. But I’m beginning to suspect that future prospects for my dreams of blood donation aren’t so rosy anyhow. VAAAAAA T.T

Run And Run,

2010-09-16T16:24:00.001+08:00

In my opinion, the feeling that I have been productive and acted with discipline is one of the best feelings in the world, but it is one that eludes me. I am nearing that point where I never reach the feeling of productivity; think of it as a graph of 1/x (somebody please remind me what the name of this graph is!) – it never really reaches the axis, it never really reaches zero – it only draws parallel. Likewise productivity is always just a little out of reach, because no matter how much I do, there is always more. After I finish the proposals for the A-Levels Production, there is piano to practice. And after that is done, I have to look up the pieces I’m practicing so I can start on my program booklet for the Performance Cert exam in December. I’ve got a SASA Group 3 meeting tomorrow to finalize details on the bazaar, and I’m sure I’m in trouble because Captain Chew’s been handling most of it on her own; and I’m praying that the WHO members do their bit for the blood donation drive in October. I have to study because my Chemistry and Maths are in disaster zones, as is Literature coursework, and I haven’t even mentioned university applications yet! And of course there is a little bit of personal drama to spice things up a little.

A bit on university applications – I’m applying to the UK for law, and I’m applying to the US as well. I’m sitting for my SATs in October and Subject Tests in November. I still have to squeeze in time for the IELTS and LNAT.

The pile of work is never-ending. Trying to finish it is a Sisyphean task. It is exhausting, physically and mentally. A little more worryingly, these are feelings that I have become accustomed to as of this year.

Today, however, has been so productive that I’m suspicious – I’ve searched up and practiced my piano pieces, I’ve finished my proposals for the production, and I’ve finished my Chemistry and Maths revision. I did one practice SAT test last weekend and got a very very satisfying score of 2090, and I’m hoping that it’s not a one-off. Basically there’s nothing that’s urgently due, AND it’s only 4pm on a good day-off. Almost too good to be true.

Do you see what’s wrong with me? Everything is fine, but I keep feeling so apprehensive and suspicious. Where’s the tension and the panic that I’ve become so used to? Last night I tried to read For Whom The Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway (which I last attempted in January) and it’s lovely, but I couldn’t absorb it. My thoughts are along the lines of come on, hit me already: what is it that I haven’t done? I’ve turned into a lifeless workaholic.

It scares me that I’m making the same kind of complaints that working adults do and I technically haven’t even finished high school!! This could be a preview of what the rest of my life is going to be like – stuck in a boring office, carrying out tasks that seem to have no purpose, an in-tray that people keep topping up as they walk past, and an out-tray that never empties. Me, looking harassed and stressed out (much the way I do now), struggling to keep up with the workload and the rat race; and then there’s me, single at fifty, telling my nieces and nephews that my life has been following the same emotional routine since I was eighteen.

I THINK I JUST NEED BETTER TIME MANAGEMENT LOR.

And I need to get out of the house!!

Edit: Just realized what it is I’ve forgotten to do – my personal statement draft #2 wtf.

At Long Last – Istanbul! (Part 2)

2010-09-12T00:14:00.001+08:00

After we got back from Cankiri, there were only three or four more days left at the Congress. I subsequently dragged my friend Nhi around all the tourist hotspots. And yes, there were two people named Nhi from Vietnam whom I hung around. The other delegates would go, “Oh the Vietnamese have two Nhis!” And they’d retort, “Well of COURSE we have two knees!”

LOL.

Okay so one Nhi is from my Aile; This is a picture of the other Nhi, which I helped to take with her iPhone. The photos in these posts which are hers are tagged Dinh, which is her surname.

This Nhi is sixteen years old and is Vietnamese born and bred, but studies in the US. She is the epitome of cuteness and sweetness – she is just incapable of being angry and upset. She completely understood my inclination to start singing Sound of Music songs out loud on the street. She was my best buddy at the Congress and even now after the Congress I can’t look at any pink clothing without thinking about her. Hi Nhi, you are missed very much. :)

Nhi was also a fantastic travel buddy. She had great photo ideas, and under her pressure I took more than I would normally have as we went around Miniaturk, Blue Mosque, Aya Sofya and Topkapi Palace. I lost them all (sigh) but luckily Caroline went to most of these places too.

Inside the tomb of Sultan Ahmet.

Outside the Blue Mosque.

The Blue Mosque in all its splendour.

Inside the Blue Mosque.

Another unglam picture of me inside the Aya Sofya passage that leads to the upper floor.

This is what you get inside the Aya Sofya: on the ceiling, huge round black plaques with Jawi inscriptions on them…

…And next to those, carvings of Christian archangels.

You can read on the Aya Sofya’s eventful history here.

Oh and I forgot to mention this. None of us had to pay anything for entry into the Blue Mosque, Topkapi Palace or Aya Sofya. We didn’t have to pay for our transportation either. All we had to do was flash our delegate tags and we’d be waved through the barriers like VIPs. As a result, during my first 10 days in Turkey (before I went on this sightseeing tour), I only spent 25 lira. :D

The skewed kebab that Turkey is so famous for. It makes you feel bad for vegetarians, doesn’t it. :)

The Grand Bazaar, where Nhi and I got to practice bargaining. The traders liked to yell as we walked past, “Aaah, Konnichiwa! Anyong haseyo! Ni hao!”

We actually got pretty annoyed by this. The result was that when one lokum trader added one extra exclamation of “Apa khabar!!” to his string of multilingual greetings, I immediately stopped, started chatting with him and ended up buying 28 liras worth of candy from him. Looking back, that wasn’t such a smart reaction :P but what to do, that was one resourceful tradesman.

Haih I am starting to really feel sorry for myself again, looking at Caroline’s pictures. T.T

The last day of the Congress was, expectedly, emotional. Everyone was saying fond farewells and taking pictures of everyone and everything. I confess to taking a few pictures of my sleeping roomates before leaving for Sabiha Gokcen :P not that they’ll ever know now!

This is Kristjan (Estonia), at 30, one of the oldest people at the WYC (most were aged 20+). For a philosophy teacher, he talks a lot of crap – literally. He sounded a little like an OMGFacts tweet producer, coming out with all things excrement-related; most of them are too disgusting to mention here. The big issue with this was that he particularly enjoyed doing this while we were eating. –.-

Kristjan was also the one who started the “In my country…” joke. Whenever he wanted to complain about something, he’d start off his sentence with “In my country,”. Some of the things he said were absolutely fantastical – it makes me want to go to Estonia just to find out if everything he said about it was true. Like the fact that everyone in Estonia is six foot tall!

This is Bunyamin, the leader of Findik Aile, whom I got seriously pissed off with because he took five minutes to string together a simple sentence in English. Admittedly this was not very fair of me; he may not have asked to be Aile leader, and he did carry out his duties (in a haphazard sort of way). In the end anyway I outgrew that childish temper tantrum and got along with him fine. But I have yet to forgive him for making fun of my non-existent volleyball skills.

Caroline with Azer from Azerbaijan! This guy is the coolest. In addition to Azerbaijani he speaks fluent English and Turk. And he’s in university learning to be a translator… In Spanish. If any of you thought Malaysians were awesome for knowing how to speak three languages, meet Azer.

Adham from Egypt and ~~Einstein~~ Albertas from Lithuania. Bunyamin nicknamed Albertas that for his name and his wild hair, so like that of the famous scientist. I got so used to this that when I tried to tag him in a facebook picture, I typed in “Einstein” and was utterly bewildered when no search results came up. –.-

And this is Sarthak from India who gets a special mention because he posted up this horrible picture of me and made a lot of Chinese jokes while I was there. (This is not fair! The only Indian joke I ever made was asking where Prashanth disappeared to when the lights went out! Karma has no sense of discrimination I tell you.)

But all in the spirit of debate, in which each point must be rebutted by the opposition. Even in humour rounds.

Meet Sarthak, my bus buddy to and from Cankiri, who almost completely fits the stereotype of Indian men: he loves free things, smells of curry, likes to drink, is ridiculously smart, wants to study Engineering and is heading for an Ivy League university. In fact if I’m not mistaken, he is already there at Princeton, beginning his freshman year there.

(Yeah I know. Princeton. Don’t mess!!)

Sarthak was an amusing bus buddy. He decided that it would be a good idea to play with the chocolate hazelnut cream they provided us with for breakfast. He was absolutely convinced that he had managed to turn it into a work of art; but in reality it looked something like THIS:

Boys are so easily amused.

Finally we have Vehbi from Turkey, Nhi Dinh’s other best friend. She took to calling him Zombie after a while. He was one of the best Turkish volunteers next to Irem because he could speak fluent English. He was so helpful – without his directions Nhi and I would have gotten lost while touring Istanbul. One of the girls pinching Zombie here is Nhi, I don’t know who the other is. But I just had to include this picture of him lah :D

The World Youth Congress culminated on 12th August with the launching of International Youth Day. The next Youth Congress would be held in Brazil. To celebrate this, a Youth March took place in Taksim Square that evening after the closing ceremony.

I had signed up too learn the dance parts days ago, but I had missed the workshop. So on the day itself, I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to take part in the march.

This is Rob with me and Nhi, Nhi’s Aile leader. I made the mistake of mispronouncing my own name while I was introducing myself to him and he laughed at me for it ever afterwards.

Originally Nhi (Dinh) and I just planned to go and ogle the costumed revellers as the prepared. But when we saw what they were wearing, we decided that we simply HAD to try them on.

Most of the pictures of me and Nhi here are credited to Anna Welsapar of Sweden, a fellow Young Journalist.

You can tell we were THRILLED!

The drummers, who set the pace for the Youth March.

This is me and the other Nhi with Chung (on the left). I have to apologize – I haven’t named the Nhis properly at all!

This is also the first night in my lfie that I made it to the next morning without falling asleep or sick at all. Don’t laugh! At camps I usually start sneezing by 4am, or I fall asleep. I credit this achievement to the friends and the elma chay of which I consumed so much. I did, however, also end up with this huge horrible swelling all over my face that only faded away during the second day of my stay in London. Boo for low sleepless tolerance.

This was taken around 6am on 13th August. See how alert I look despite having stayed up all night! I remember Zombie and I had been explaining the concept of Ramadan and Lent to Nhi. See, back to the topic of religion again.

Many other delegates like Justin stayed back after the Congress to tour Istanbul or other parts of Turkey. I hear that our delegate tags were eligible for use on the Metro till August 15th. But shortly after the picture above was taken, I had to leave for Sabiha Gokcen airport for my flight to London. So for me, the 5th World Youth Congress ended there.

I am nearing the end of the photos and of this post. But I have left out so many – I don’t have pictures of Irareque (Mozambique) who swears he’s going to come and visit me in Malaysia, Ursa (Slovenia) and Goran (Macedonia) who were never there, Sena (Turkey) my AWESOME POSSUM roommate who was so excited to find out that I knew Jia Jun, Michelle Pham (Canada) who makes the most awesome nurse for sick people, Berta (Turkey) who took me to the doctor and made people go hunting all over Istanbul for bananas when I had food poisoning, Anshul (India), Yusuf (India), Bin (Vietnam) and so so so many others! However this post is disproportionately long as it already is, and it’s already very compressed. I don’t think I’ve managed to convey even an iota of what the Congress was really like.

So what did the World Youth Congress leave me with? Just exactly what did I do there?

I realized that human beings are so different, yet so similar. I survived living in a country so different from my own for two weeks. I spent time with people who are extremely intelligent and high-powered, and it gives me hope that the human race won’t annihilate itself after all. I experienced solidarity: for just a short while, the entire globe was conveniently stuffed into one place for me to explore. I made myself a home away from home, with all those people. And now, I am one step closer to saying that I have a home in every country on the planet.

The WYC has made me want to emulate the people I met. It left me with the basic knowledge required to put the Green 5 project (which has been at the back of my head since Form 4) into action – and more importantly, it left me with the motivation to do so too. It also made me excited to see what kind of changes we can bring when our time comes to rule the world!

The Congress also left me with a love of travelling that is probably going to last me a whole lifetime. Already my list is 16 states long.

Weirdly enough, the Congress has also made me incredibly patriotic, from having to explain over and over again what and where Malaysia was. For all the ridiculous antics our politicians get up to, it’s actually a pretty good place to live.

This was how one ticket to Istanbul took me around the world – and beyond.

At Long Last – Istanbul! (Part 1)

2010-09-11T21:17:00.001+08:00

The month of August was a particularly eventful one for me. I flew three flights, withdrew from the Oxbridge race and nearly got shot at – but that’s another story for me and Ian to tell. (; What this post is going to be about is the 5th World Youth Congress that took part in Istanbul, at which I was a delegate.

The concept of the congress was to bring a lot of young people together to share ideas in their areas of their greatest concern and/or expertise. To get this going, there were a lot of workshops, debates, round tables and other activities that enabled us to sit down and talk – whether it was to share problems or to help come up with solutions to those. This isn’t nearly as boring as it sounds – it is actually incredibly fascinating (and to some extent comforting) to find out that there are people on the other side of the world who share the same stories, viewpoints and problems as you do.

There were also action projects for each of the 20-member families, called Ailes. My Aile, named Findik, had their action project in the sleepy town of Cankiri. It’s actually written çankırı, and pronounced Chan-kuh-ruh. (Rhymes with Ankara) But for the sake of making my life easier, I will stick to writing it as Cankiri!

Okay it is at this point that I pathetically confess that the ultimate travel horror happened to me. No I didn’t lose my passport – worse.

I accidentally deleted all my pictures of Istanbul/London during the 4th day of my trip to London.

I was UPSET. I’m not the kind of person who has a camera that is an extension of her eyes and hands; many times I have gone out for an event and returned with the camera still in my bag, never having left it in the first place. I knew that Istanbul/London was too exciting, colourful and vibrant to miss, and was therefore making an extra effort to take as many pictures as I could during the trip. You see, I am such a writing junkie that even before I left, I was already forming this blog post in my head. I wanted to be able to tell the story perfectly. I made sure that I took pictures of everything I wanted to mention and share.

And in the space of 1.5 seconds all 1500+ photos were gone, thanks to a slip of a thumb.

When it happened, I sat down on the corner of the street outside Westminster Abbey and cried! FC was wonderful, he helped me re-take nearly every single shot of London that was deleted. We had to go to most places twice to get the pictures again. So I didn’t really lose the shots of London, which will be up on Facebook when I can next manage it. I only lost the pictures I took at Cambridge University. The pictures of Istanbul/Cankiri, however, were gone for good and could not be replaced.

This is where the 1400 delegates I met at the congress came in. Irem joked, “GOOD! You can come back here and take some more!” which made me laugh and cheered me up no end. But seriously – I needed photos. There was NO WAY I could let this go by without blogging about it. So I sent email messages to the three people I knew would not only have good photos, but would also have photos of me; I asked them for permission to let me use their wonderful photos. Their replies were fantastically prompt and wonderfully relieving.

So I went around saving the pictures I needed. I have tried to credit each photographer to their respective pictures, though I might have mixed up a few. There are a few more pictures from other delegate's cameras that I saved because I was tagged in them. I was able to concoct a blog post after all! Dear readers, if you enjoy the following post, it is entirely due to the fact that there are people like Nhi (Vietnam), Yen Nhi (Vietnam) and Caroline (Hawaii) out there in the world. Also thanks to them, even before this post has begun, you have already experienced a bit of what made the WYC such a memorable event for me and everyone else who was there.

WYC @ Istanbul, 31st July – 13th August 2010

Before I start, here I must credit Mark Chan, the guy who introduced me to the congress and encouraged me to apply for it at the end of 2009. I wrote the required essays, attached proof of my involvement in Youth Projects (I talked about the BRATs) and sent them in. In March, shortly after returning from MDO, I received notification that I’d been one of those accepted, and so had he. We booked our flight to Istanbul and flew there together – it is probably thanks to Mark that I didn’t get lost in KLIA even before the plane to Istanbul left. That would have been a failure beyond epic-ness.

The Cafeteria Block at Yildiz Technological University. For most of us, this was how we were greeted to life at the Congress: with long, tedious queues. It was a foreshadowing of what was about to come in the next 14 days.

This is Irem from Turkey, and me looking incredibly unglam. She was the first Turkish friend I made there. She helped me through a scary experience: on the first day I was allocated a dorm off-campus. Nobody else in that dorm spoke English, not even the security guards. This is scarier than it sounds – for the first time in my life, I was less literate than everyone else around me. To form a simple sentence took precious minutes, and often I was not given the answers to what I had asked for. The people meant well, but I was utterly and hopelessly lost, and getting more and more frustrated. Once I’d made friends with Irem (who was one of the volunteers), she saw to it that any complaints I had were forwarded to the right people. :)

Eventually we were all moved back to the main campus dorms. One funny thing is that I didn’t see my new room mates at all. They were Turkish, and would go out and enjoy themselves in Taksim, often not returning till 2am each night. The jet-lagged me would crash by 9pm. I’d rise by 7.30am for daily Aile meetings, but they would typically skip the meetings and sleep till 10am. –.-

This is me, presenting on Malaysia during the South-East Asian regional meeting. Next to me is Justin, another dude from Malaysia, who has yet to respond to my Facebook wall message, so I have no idea if he came back from his mad 4-day journey around Turkey post-Congress. :S

Spot the pseudo-Vietnamese. (;

Jia Jun, another fellow Malaysia delegate whom I got to know at the Congress.

This is me and Adrian from Romania, on the Bosphorus boat trip. I was sitting alone because I was feeling seriously unwell, but Adrian plonked himself next to me and started a long and deadly serious conversation about politics, governments, and religion that completely took my mind off my upset stomach.

That didn’t stop the food poisoning from happening anyway, and that confined me to my room for the next day or so. I missed a couple of workshops and a concert, but it was good because I finally met my room mates!!!

After I was well enough, Mark and his friends Jill (Vietnam), Jia Jun, Ricardo (Portugal) and Michelle Pham (Canada) were horrified to discover that I hadn’t been out of the campus on my own and took me out that night to the marketplace near the university. They made me try dondurma, which is Turkish ice-cream that has a chewing gum-like consistency, and is therefore open to lots of tricks. The dondurma sellers will serve it to you on a stick, then take it away and leave you holding just a cone. They will twirl your ice cream around, smush it into your face and pretend to drop it before they finally give it to you. They are extremely entertaining (if slightly repetitive) and embody perfectly what the rest of the Turkish people are like: friendly, fun-loving and hilarious.

This is a picture of us with the dondurma men.

Soon after this picture was taken, I was dragged along to a rooftop cafe for a shisha session, during which we engaged in a(nother) very heated discussion about views on politics and religion. It seemed that all the delegates were the kind of people who frequently engage in these kind of debates.

Action Projects @ Cankiri

The Lonely Planet’s guide to Turkey had ZERO information about Cankiri. It was on the map, but that was about it. When I tried googling Cankiri, all the pages emerged in Turkish. I was feeling more than a little apprehensive about going to a place so far away, about which I knew so little.

After an eventful 8-hour bus ride that began at 6am in the morning, this is me sitting in the Cankiri statehouse meeting room. The seat I’m sitting in is traditionally where a queen might sit, and I am wearing a traditional Turkish Royal Hat.

And this is the Aile outside what is purported to be the world’s first mental hospital, which is now a mosque. O.O

This pictures of me was taken by one of the kids, whom Caroline gave her camera to play with. And before you ask, yes, we did actually do something! We painted a school.

I am such a shameless poser.

Turkish children are more photo-friendly than I am. :)

An introduction to Turkish dancing, which can be very tiring but very fun because of the way everyone dances together.

And this is Vu from Vietnam, whom they took to calling Vuvuzela!

Other random pictures from our time at Cankiri:

A football match at the Youth Centre where they actually slaughtered a sheep for the match. O.O

Zahra from the United Kingdom, who speaks with the cutest British accent ever and has an equally cute laugh.

And this is Nhi, the awesome photographer who contributed so many pictures. :)

A chess match between India and Canada.

Another Aile member, Eleonora; I particularly like this picture of her.

Ebru, the Turkish art of marbling.

When I tell Malaysians back home about what Turkish people were like, the first description that comes to mind is party people. I tell them that it’s impossible to busk on the streets because if you play well, everyone will start dancing around you! Turkish people love to party, and they like to do it to Turkish music – both modern and traditional. In Cankiri, the youth made us dance EVERY NIGHT. Here is a picture of Thomas (Quebec) making up his own moves on the last night in Cankiri while Jeeban (Nepal) looks on and laughs.

MY FACE JUST LOOKS WRONG.

The next few pictures chronicle the last day in Cankiri, during which we were taken to the salt caves. We were at 150m below sea level, and temperatures were at 16 degrees Celsius. You could actually lick the walls of the cave!

We drove up to the Mountains of Ilgaz, and halfway up through we stopped the van to take pictures of the scenery. They blasted music from the stereo and we started dancing on the mountain! I told you the Turkish people were party people. They are wonderfully random spontaneous.

It was also at this point that I lost my spectacles, the second worst thing I lost after the pictures.

Playgrounds don’t seem to have age barriers in any part of the world. :)

Nhi sent me up there and wouldn’t let me down. –.-

Finally, a picture of Caroline, the generous soul who contributed the majority of the pictures to this post. Thank you!!! :D

And this is Eray, the Turkish boy who folded the tissue rose for me that I am holding up there. Unfortunately when I put it down and went to the bathroom, the waiter took it for a piece of used tissue paper and threw it away (!!!!).

Check out the scenery!

This is Ntendeni (South Africa) and Thomas (Quebec). Ntendeni was loud and simply lovable. Anyone could hear her coming from a mile off!

Arina from Ukraine, who was posing like a model, and who reminded me of Trishna because she used to go bug-eyed when she was astonished or trying to look stern.

Just before we left for Istanbul after four long days in Cankiri.

I never really liked splitting my posts in two, but I don’t think I have a choice here – I saved close to 100 pictures. Cankiri took up so much because I really really enjoyed my time there! It’s hard to believe that I had been so worried about coming here in the first place.

Next post – Touring Istanbul and the Youth March!

The Sorting Hat.

2010-09-01T22:22:00.001+08:00

Twitter trending topics reminded me that today, first of September, is the beginning of term for Hogwarts. Reading Nen Lin’s conversation with her friends about which house they want to be in brought to mind this post that I had come up with some months ago on the four Hogwarts houses.

And at this point, I better let you know that I am a shameless Potterphile that ~~has~~ used to have a lot of time on her hands!

It started during college; I don’t remember how – it amazes me how some details of the most obscure, trivial things stick in my memory; while important things like coursework constantly slip my mind! – but it was Economics. Ms Joanna was still teaching us at this time, and so I can easily see how we could have digressed from production possibility frontier curves to Harry Potter. Nicole Lim declared, “I am such a Slytherin!” and Trishna said, “I think I’m in Hufflepuff.” and that was what set us off. Ms Joanna was declared a Ravenclaw and everyone else dumped me in Ravenclaw too. (I really have no idea why lah, considering how my results turned out.)

But it got me thinking – could every one of us fit into the four Hogwarts houses? The criteria for each house seems limited, but when I thought about it, if you expand the information given, the houses cover a broad range of temperaments and personalities.

SOOO I did just that – I referred to information from the series, particularly the Sorting Hat’s songs, and came up with a set of distinct personality traits that apply to each Hogwarts house. I did this for fun, but also because I’m tired of everyone fitting into Gryffindor every time I take a Potter quiz. The other houses deserve more credit! I ran this by my sister and Sheng Hoay and they’ve had a laugh. And, just because the Sorting Feast will be taking place tonight, here it is for you to laugh at and see where you might fit in at this magical, fantastical but purely imaginary school.

Oh, and it is perfectly okay if you seem to be a stretch across all four houses.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know how to write one, but basically all this material is property of JK Rowling’s and I do not claim to own any of her characters or the storyline. I’ve just extrapolated on what she’s written. Like fanfiction only.

Gryffindor
“You might belong in Gryffindor,
Where dwell the brave at heart,
Their daring, nerve and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart”
Brave, sometimes to the point of recklessness.
Translation: People who have ADD, simply cannot sit still; action-orientated doers; jocks; not necessarily concerned about the pursuit of knowledge. Hermione was incredibly and certainly a clear doer, hence her placement in Gryffindor instead of Ravenclaw. If you’re someone who has to act when they see something that must be done, you have the most defining trait of a Gryffindor. Most of the people I met at the Congress are Gryffindors.
*
Hufflepuff
“You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true,
And unafraid of toil”
Hard-working, friendly, loyal, and non-judgemental.
Translation: People tend to think that Hufflepuff equates to being blur and/or pompous like Ernie MacMillan, but let’s cut these guys some slack. I think Hufflepuff is the most awesome house ever and its house colour being yellow has nothing to do with it, I swear.
Well, maybe it does.
Anyway in addition to the very obvious descriptions from the book, these people are very friendly to everyone and generally well-liked. They work hard and always believe in the best of others. Personalities are quite generic. Innocent, willing to believe in happy endings; yet also tough and unbreakable. It’s not a bad thing to be a Hufflepuff – they’re some of the nicest people around. I don’t care what you think, but to my mind THIS is my house. :P
*
Ravenclaw
“Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind.”
Intelligence, cleverness, knowledge, and wit are prized traits.
Translation: People who love learning for the sake of learning; highly logical – can reason away everything! Not overly concerned with action; tend to look down on brawn and traits such as over-enthusiasm and other Gryffindor/Hufflepuff traits. Believe me, I know people like this. *coughDEBATERScough*
*
Slytherin
“Or perhaps in Slytherin,
You’ll make your real friends,
Those cunning folk use any means,
To achieve their ends.”
Ambitious, cunning, and achievement-oriented. They also have highly developed senses of self-preservation.
Translation: The above description pretty much says it all. To add on, they oppose Gryffindor’s action-orientation trait. Like Gryffindors they may involve themselves in many activities, but most of the time it’s only because they want to be recognized for it. People who want to achieve a lot fit in here; they think of themselves above others. And let’s not deny it – in the race for universities and colleges and scholarships, many of us have fit in this house, stretching ourselves thin.

Now you know what I do in my free time; and none of it is terribly original… but what the hell, it’s Harry Potter.

I must stop wasting time because two things are very overdue – my post on Istanbul/London and my creative critical essay for English Lit coursework. The latter was due today! But before that I dare you to tell me which house(s) you think you’re in. Please do criticize and/or add things on, because I’m no psychologist.

OKAY NOW I CIAO. FOR REAL. But when I come back I want to see my chatbox spammed with nice things. :)

I Will Write

2010-08-31T01:34:00.001+08:00

soon.

In the meantime, I really really really miss this.

Orison.

2010-08-29T00:40:00.001+08:00

Su-Zen’s dropping Lit!!! Honestly I was so upset when she put it out on Twitter – another one bites the dust. I typed a few paragraphs on it, and found it was so whiney and self-proclaiming that I deleted it. I wish you well Su-Zen! Though you’re making Lit class look more and more like a reality TV endurance show – Survivor: A-Levels English Literature. Let’s see how long you can stand the pressure of failure.

On another note I have finished 3/4 of my English Lit coursework! All that’s left is the illuminator text. And so for the first night since… Well, before the World Youth Congress, I feel like I can relax. Screw the rest of the holiday homework. Stromae - Alors On Danse is on replay on the music player, and it reminds me of something else – I haven’t told you about how I spent my holidays yet.

I swear, NOTHING in the whole wide world could have prepared me for the WYC. Coming back to KL is all at once awesome and intriguing; just as I predicted, nothing seems the same anymore. That’s how eye-opening my experience was; but who would have expected anything less than eye-opening?

Next post, I’ll tell you how one ticket to Istanbul took me all around the world and beyond.

Home Is So Sad.

2010-08-18T07:38:00.001+08:00

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”

- St. Augustine

Sneaking a few minutes here on the netbook to type this. I’ve been in London for four days now and am already realizing that one week here is nowhere near enough to explore this place. I could live here my entire life and never feel bored because there would always be so many corners to search, to importune.

I haven’t forgotten where I’ve just come from yet, though. Today in Camden Market I passed by a stall named A La Turk and I spotted the orange rice and skewed kebabs and was hit by a pang of nostalgia – I miss Istanbul and Cankiri; all its food, people, and parties. The Congress was an out-of-this-world experience; what wouldn’t I give to be back with them for just one more day?

And yet at the same time, throughout my sojourn overseas, never once have I stopped missing home. FC and the WYC delegates I got to know can tell you that I developed this habit of saying “In Malaysia…” (inside joke for the Findik aile –Kristjan would be so proud!)

Being straddled across three countries, three continents, three worlds is such a strange feeling. I miss Turkiye, I miss Malaysia, and I am going to miss London when I leave it. Sometimes I wake up in my cousin’s room wondering what happened to the lurid pink curtains of the dorm in Istanbul, or where my Venetian blinds at home are. Sometimes when I have a quite moment to myself like this one, I think about Malaysia and Turkiye and how much I miss them both… And I also wonder which one I miss more. Don’t misunderstand! For obvious reasons I love Malaysia and I will always come back to serve my country no matter what happens in the future. But I found amazing friends and experiences elsewhere, halfway across the planet. I feel like I am experiencing life for the first time, and it’s happening in someplace other than what I thought of as my home. It feels wonderful, and I don’t want to leave that behind. On 22nd of August I will be leaving for Malaysia, but I’m going to be seeing its people and culture differently – can I still call it home?

Back to A-Level Literature then: what makes a home?

If home is a physical structure, the dorms of Yildiz, my cousin’s room and my house in Malaysia have become my homes. If home is with people you love, my home then fell apart when the Congress ended, to be strewn all over the globe with no definite sense of existence. Home might be where the heart is, but somewhere, sometime during these last few weeks, I have lost track of what home is and, therefore, the sense of where I really belong.

This Freefall;

2010-08-06T00:22:00.001+08:00

Just to let you all know (in case you haven’t been watching my facebook) I’M STILL ALIVE and kicking in Istanbul. Will be in London on the 13th of August, and then back here in Malaysia on the 23rd of August. Yes, three freaking weeks away from home, but at least I get to spend it in two of the world’s most wonderful cities! I’m safe, I’m happy, had a mild bout of food poisoning yesterday but otherwise I’m healthy. In the meantime don’t have too much fun :) and don’t get too much work done so I don’t feel so left behind.

Oh and thanks, Hanson and Kareem. Friends like you really can make a girl feel appreciated.

*read: sarcasm*

Countdown

2010-07-28T23:41:00.001+08:00

I’m not a particularly sociable person. Most of my free days are spent at home catching up on work, reading up on debate material or being glued to the computer screen trying to come up with a good post. Good conversations don’t come naturally. I hardly watch TV, I refuse to watch The Dark Knight and I couldn’t be paid to. ~~Well. Maybe if I was paid…~~ I am the kind of person around whom awkward silences occur a lot around, and I suck at talking to people I’ve just met.

This, was supposed to be the beginning part of a post I promised one of my friends. And while I no longer think that this paragraph is a good way to start the post, I found it honest enough to keep while I deleted the rest of my ramblings. But I don’t know how to continue this; for once, tonight, I’m at a loss for words even though I have so much to say about this.

Maybe I’ve just proven my point.

You’re Waiting For A Train;

2010-07-24T15:57:00.001+08:00

An update for the sake of updating: this is a picture hanging in the living room of my piano teacher’s house.

Looks like a typical picture for a piano teacher to have right? But look closer.

It’s a vuvuzela!!!

Sorry.

On another note, take a look at the post title and guess what movie I watched last night!

I Just Need To Tell You

2010-07-20T22:31:00.001+08:00

…That I got 7th place in the college/uni category at Jog For Hope 2010; and that hectic as my life is, it pretty much is everything I once asked for once upon a time.

Remembering to be happy makes me feel stronger.

If Not Now, Then When?

2010-07-15T00:02:00.001+08:00

I just received a notice regarding the MAD Charity Show – its venue has been changed from changed from Dragonfly KL to the Ministry of Sound @ Sunway. Do take note and make the appropriate changes. (:

***

A belated note on the World Cup. Does not anyone else feel that relying on an octopus to tell you who’s going to win the match is insulting, not just to us but to the animal kingdom as a whole? Obviously we are the most intelligent creatures on this earth, so it goes without saying that believing an octopus’s random predictions is a beyond stupid. I mean come on, how hard could it have been to get it right? It has a one in two chance of picking the right team! (Further Math students could probably prove me wrong on this but even at face value, one in two aren’t such bad odds)

And I don’t believe that the octopus is psychic. Yes, many animals have been shown to be intelligent and perhaps possess abilities we would deem “psychic”. Dogs rush to the door minutes before their masters arrive home, salmon find their way back to their breeding grounds, abandoned cats find their way home after being lost 100 miles away. The animal kingdom has secrets humans can probably never hope to uncover; or at least, not for a long time.

But the line is drawn at that creeping charlatan of a cephalopod. Because I believe that, no matter how “psychic”, intelligent or as Jonathan says, “pre-cognitive” he is, Paul simply will never be able understand a pointless activity that was invented purely by humans, for humans. Neither does he understand what flags and nationalities are, or what winning means to anybody at all. Paul is simply one freaking lucky – and hungry – octopus whose sole quest in life is to feed and breed.

What’s worse is that his predictions have made headlines around the world. Which goes to show you that clever has humans are, most of us are - most of the time - still the gullible monkeys we once were.

My point is, truthfully I didn’t really like the Netherlands that much. Spain beat Germany after all! But I REALLY REALLY hated Paul so much that I supported Netherlands just so that I could have the privilege of laughing at the world just in case he was proved wrong. So I went and changed my desktop wallpaper orange, tweeted my support to the Dutch incessantly and stayed up all Sunday night… To watch the Oranje go down in the most shameful manner ever. –.- I feel infuriated. This hasn’t convinced me at all of Paul’s capabilities and therefore I shall be revenging myself personally by eating tako every day for a month… Or as long as it takes for the disciples of Paul to shut up.

(Yeah I know my form of revenge isn’t quite coherent with my rant about the wondrous animal kingdom ~~and it’s not even Paul’s fault,~~ but what to do. Spain really deserved to win lah!)

(Besides, Paul is really quite a stupid name for an octopus.)

“Am I mad?” “Oh I’m afraid so.”

2010-07-14T00:18:00.001+08:00

HELP College United Nations UNDP Club brings you a night of partying and fun – at great rates and for a good cause! We will be organizing the Making A Difference (M.A.D.) Charity Show 2010 on the 30th of July (Friday). The event takes place from 7.00pm until late, at Dragonfly (opposite Pavilion KL).

The show is purely for charity, and the beneficiary of this event is Make A Wish International, a foundation which grants the last wishes of children terminally ill with medical conditions.

So what has this night got to offer?

Amazing dance performances; choreographed by a So You Think You Can Dance finalist. The dancers will come from some of the best dance schools in Malaysia and will feature many difference styles – samba, tango, salsa etc. This will be the highlight of the night: the dance drama; a drama performed not in words or song, but through dance.
Other performances – magician ZLWin will be performing. He will also be interacting the crowd, meaning that throughout the night he will be walking through the crowd, maybe pulling random magic tricks on random people. Apparently he’s the next David Blaine. Not the kiddy magician, the scary type (according to Cassandrah lol)
Celebrity Appearances – a good twenty celebrities will be present, including the likes of Deborah Henry (Miss Malaysia World 2007), Thanuja Ananthan (Miss Malaysia World 2009), so what you what you waiting for?
Speaking of which, MizzNina might make an appearance too (;
Goody bags, which everyone will get if they attend (: the goodies you get are unbelievably awesome; you get Coffee Bean vouchers, Celebrity Fitness Passes and so on. There are LOTS MORE, amounting up to RM150 but I could only remember the Coffee Bean vouchers because that’s what I’m going for. Heh.
Free flow of food and non-alcoholic drinks till 2am; alcohol will be available at discounted prices, but you have to present ID as proof of age. (What? I know it’s an awesome deal but there’s no way we’re being that generous!)

After 9.30pm the dance floor will be open to anyone and everyone. It’s a great way to have fun and spend the night with friends. And it’s all for a good cause!

Here’s the sweet note: one ticket for entry costs RM50.

Bear in mind that first of all, you’re getting goody bags worth RM150 just by showing up for the show. And secondly, MOS charges RM50-RM70 (I heard) for entry into their club, minus all the bonuses I just told you about up there. If that hasn’t got you convinced, remember that it’s all for a good cause. And personally, I never heard of a better deal. (:

You can purchase tickets from any HELP College UN Club members (not just UNDP members). If you’re interested, drop me a message in the chatbox or on facebook. For more info check out this and this.

By purchasing a ticket, you’re not just rewarding yourself with a great night of fun. You’re also MAD – Making A Difference. (:

Wild, Wild Whisper In The Wind.

2010-07-10T17:18:00.001+08:00

Ian got me started on this last night. Ended up having an epic urban dictionary search session instead of designing the debate society’s flyer. Sorry Zean Shiung, there’s still Sunday. :D Anyway I searched up everyone’s names and included my favorite definition under each.

NOTE: Not to be taken seriously. Most of the time. (;

Ian

#4: a charismatic, if slightly nutty, male.

See #6 (;

Lily

#1: An amazing name. People with this name usually kick ass at everything they do.

#6: A ninja.

Peter

#10: Every one is obsessed with him. He’s not popular. He’s not hot, though some people think he is. Girls harass him constantly and will never stop. He’s funny. He’s weird. He has broad shoulders. He is kind of tall. Every one loves Peter. He’s spazzy.
Oh that guy fell down 4 staircases. He is such a peter.
James
#4: Someone who likes looking up his name on Urban Dictionary.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Joanna

#1: The most sincere, goodhearted, and gorgeous girl to grace the world with her lively presence. Some say she resembles Rachel Weisz but in actuality Weisz would never be able to reach the pedestal of beauty that Joanna sits atop of. 2. Pretty much the most awesome person you can ever hope to meet. Be weary though, Joanna is a complete badass and is known to carry either a nine or a gat with her at all times - for protection from other jealous rival badasses and if she just feels like being a thug and robbing a liquor store or grocery for the hell of it.

Briana

#8: Of Gaelic origin meaning Fortitude and Strength. Also, perhaps, the most beautiful young woman on the planet.

Dennis

#3:

1. n; the onomatopoeic sound effect of bouncing boobs.
2. v; the act of boobs (or the owner of said boobs) creating this sound by bouncing.

I think this is the point where I fell off the chair laughing.

Samira, Trishna and Prashanth only have one entry each. Zean Shiung and Ezreena don’t feature. But they DO have a good entry on Shaun. Check out #1 (;

Aaaand finally.

Louise

#2: An extremely pretty and interesting girl. Hair is usually blond as she can be a bit ditzy at times but everyone loves her for it. Parties hard, loves life and is particularly fond of bows. Anyone would be lucky to even know a Louise.

#3: A popular feminine form of the name Louis; it is used in all English-speaking and French-speaking countries, and is commonly found across Europe. Rhymes with most of the English dictionary: cheese, peas, keys, please, knees, wheeze, jeez, bees, ease, tease, sneeze, these, fees and so on.

Also in a famous saying:

What up Louise!
"Jeez Louise!"

Ohhh the things people around the world with our names do when they’re bored. (:

Go go search up your name and tell me what comes up!

Oh and I’m no big fan of cheerleading, though I do like watching the cheer routines. But I am a huge fan of Catholic High School (; and twitter tells me that Calyx Girls have just made the top 15 at today’s Cheer 2010! :D

Isn’t it?

Lady Tongue;

2010-07-07T22:31:00.001+08:00

Don Pedro: Look, here she (Beatrice) comes.

Benedick: Will your Grace command me any service to the world’s end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on. I will fetch you a tooth-pick now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of Prester John’s foot, fetch you a hair off Kublai Khan’s beard, send any message of yours to the Pygmies, rather than hold three words’ conference with this harpy. Have you no employment for me?!

- Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

Act II, Scene I

Much Ado About Nothing is now officially my favourite Shakespearean play. I really shouldn’t have read it first because now it means I am barely going to touch Othello. :D

And the A-Levels Lit students of three years ago already used this for their A-Levels Production! T.T

No More Than Reason;

2010-07-06T22:37:00.001+08:00

From plinky:

When was the last time you thanked someone?

I really can’t remember. I think it was when, during TCSHMUN 2010, I sent the delegate of North Korea a thank-you note for livening up my boring resolution with a joke amendment. Or maybe it was the time I baked a batch of cookies for Trishna and her family for doing a disproportionate amount of the ferrying to-and-from college and our various activities this year.

You see, those emails telling everyone that the hardest two words to say are “thank you” worked themselves into my head: I thank people a lot. I thank people for holding doors, librarians for processing my books, sales clerks for tending to me, cleaning ladies for allowing me to use the bathroom even though they’ve only just cleaned it. I don’t mumble it either; I say it loud, I say it proud.

And still, I feel that I don’t thank the people in my life enough.

Let me explain. I made my dad a huge thank you card for Father’s Day, thanking him for working his back out doing overtime. And yet during the holidays I went on a big shopping spree. It wasn’t a huge amount of money by my peers standards but it did blow out my wallet. Receiving the invoice for my flight tickets to London and Istanbul recently just increased my guilt till I felt like barricading myself in my room if my dad so much as looked at me. I also acted in a really irresponsible way, not bothering to coordinate my social events with everyone else in the family, and being irresponsible with his things as well as my own. I feel like sometimes I can’t blame him for treating me like a kid, because I certainly haven’t been acting like the 18-year-old I am supposed to be.

After every meal every day, I thank Aunty Eva (our maid) for preparing the meal. She’s been with us for as long as I can remember – apparently she arrived to work in our household a month before I was born, so she’s been here a good long eighteen years. She’s really cheerful and capable, but she IS getting on. I hear her coughing a lot, and I can make a rainbow out of all the pills on her breakfast plate. And yet I don’t help her with the cooking and housework as often as I should. I shove it to the back of my head with the thought, I cleaned the upstairs last week. I’ve done my part.

& It’s not like when I thank my dad and Aunty Eva, I’m not saying it sincerely. I say it with all my heart! But maybe “with all my heart” means and thank you for having to absorb all the shit I throw at you, because I’m really really sorry but I’m going to do it again.

Another person I don’t thank enough would be my cousin Dennis a.k.a my Favourite Cousin (FC) whom I undeniably bully more than I should. He’s my know-it-all and my go-to for almost everything. A lot of pre-debate tournament nights were spent on the phone or in front of the computer with him, and he’d have to fork out his work hours just to come and layan his nut of a cousin who hasn’t got two feet to stand on and a brain to think with. For those of you at TCSHMUN, you know that my resolution passed with hardly any abstentions; the truth is that Sheng Hoay and I had spent the night before in front of the computer, and he was helping with it. He never spoonfed me information (I don’t think Lundu is reading this but just in case, HELLO :D), instead asking me questions that got me to think for myself. As a result I came up with a wholesome resolution that covered all aspects of a problem that was relatively minor. The bottom line is, I didn’t do it alone, as everyone is of the mistaken opinion that I did.

A lot of times he says things that are hurt and cutting but absolutely true. (Not the time he called me an orangutan) I mean like the times he told me I wasn’t treating my younger brother well enough. It absolutely hurt to hear it, but it was the pure shameful truth – half the time I brush my brother aside like a fly on the wall.

And yet I forget to return his texts (ignore them sometimes when I’m busy), and in general forget to return all the kindness he’s bestowed on an OKU such as myself. Heh.

It’s easy to thank cleaners, librarians and acquaintances, because you know that given the means, you would be able to help them back. It’s easier when you know that repaying them isn’t a task that will ask much of you.

Conversely, it’s the most difficult to say thank you to those whom repaying means changing yourself for the better, because it means admitting that who you are now really isn’t good enough; which is why they had to step in in the first place.

But what can I say right now? Because I realized that thanking somebody goes beyond just saying thank you. Really thanking the people who deserve it most requires action and change, to show that what they did for you wasn’t for nothing. I can resolve to be a lot more responsible and hope that my dad and Aunty Eva are going to notice, and I hope it makes a difference to them. But if that resolution goes down the drain like every other promise before that, there’s really no point in talking so much here.

And so once again this is just a blog post full of hot wind and little else.

PS: Hi FC I’m not going to pick up your call this time because I’m too embarrassed. What you should do is say IT’S ABOUT TIME. There you see, even saying thank you is a Herculean task for me. Haih why am I so gutless.

Palisade.

2010-07-04T23:59:00.001+08:00

Three weeks seemed like a longer period of time before the exams ended! I had a list of things I wanted to get done. And I did manage to do all or most of them, but looking back it doesn’t feel like a lot.

Then again, maybe I should stop whining and learn to be satisfied with everything I managed to do, for once.

So here’s what I did with three weeks!

ICRC Humanitarian Law Debate

The entire HELP delegation at break night, sans Kareem.

Had a wonderful family holiday at Pulau Perhentian, resulting in me becoming a shade darker.
Managed to cross snorkeling and scuba diving off my list of things!

Painted the lamp sitting on my bedside table! (This was part one of a three-part resolution to redecorate my room. The other two parts were to hang up my inspiration board – done – and paste wall stickers on the wall, which couldn’t be done because my sister hasn’t got enough money to pay for her share of the wall stickers yet –____-)
Learned how to debate British Parliamentary style.
Celebrated the birthday of a wonderful friend with many many wonderful friends (Hi Jo and Dan!).

My personal favourite picture from the party (:

Had the worst driving lesson of my life, resulting in my aim to get my driving license before these 3 weeks were up to be terminated. And when I say it was bad, it was BAD! I knocked down umpteen poles and almost reversed into another car!! No pictures of this, thankfully. (:
Helped my dad manage his church fellowship dinner. And did it like a pro too. (: no pictures.
Volunteered at PAWS for the Pet Exhibition at Mid Valley Convention Centre. And once again… Need I say it? (My new year resolution to take more pictures has obviously gone down the drain.)
Watched TWO movies. And this is worth noting because everyone knows I can’t be bothered to watch movies!
Attended TCSHMUN 2010, my 2nd MUN conference, and got a resolution passed! Well, two resolutions; I was co-submitter for the other.

I think more can be said about this last one. It was infinitely fun, and although the level of debate at HELPMUN was far more intense, the people at TCSHMUN were definitely a lot warmer. The chair of the General Assembly Shafeeq was incredibly diplomatic - except for the instance where he blandly told the Delegate of Latvia that his blazer was horrible (“Don’t wear it, please!” he said). I’ll always remember the GA delegates of Malaysia, Sweden, North Korea and Brazil. Delegates didn’t go out of their way to shoot down a reso, although there plenty of silly analogies bouncing around. At HELPMUN we got miniskirts, tube tops, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber. Here we had golf courses (full of holes), fortune cookies without the fortunes and godonlyknows what else. There was so much crap about spoonfeeding, breastfeeding, Kim Jong-Il, genetically modified messenger pigeons, the recruiting of vampires as riot police and the use of a Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift remix as torture punishment for those who misuse subsidies.

Delegate of North Korea (GA): This delegate would support the use of genetically modified snails to convey these reports to the United Nations headquarters.

Delegate of Brazil (GA): *poker-faced* Is the delegate of North Korea not afraid that the snails might get stepped on?

Delegate of Brazil (GA): Honestly this delegate thinks that the delegate of North Korea is just upset that we beat him in the World Cup a few weeks ago.

Delegate of North Korea (GA): How do I put this nicely… We let you win. Because, you know, some people don’t like losing. They cry.

Delegate of Myanmar (UNEP): This delegate asserts that freedom of speech is overrated, and that without the Military Junta to take control, the situation in Myanmar would have been much worse.

Delegate of the Russian Federation (UNEP): So is the delegate of Myanmar actually condoning the Junta?

Delegate of Myanmar (UNEP): Yes. Because this delegate has no choice. If he doesn’t condone the Junta he will be shot.

Superlatives were funny too. Trishna won just about everything in her council (Best Dressed, Next UN Secretary-General, Friendliest, Best Couple with Dhinesh lol). The Delegate of North Korea was voted Most Likely To Nuke, Most Likely To Be Nuked and the GA’s Best Speaker.

Oh and apparently Naomi, Dhinesh and I will be flirting our way into the United Nations assembly one day.

(Come on guys. Seriously. Naomi and Dhinesh, fine. That’s probably expected. But ME?! A flirt?!!)

I wish I’d gotten a picture with Ez and Trish – the latter of whom also got Best Speaker for the UNEP Council! And Haran was Most Diplomatic Speaker for UNEP too. The HELP Delegates rocked TCSHMUN! - but I suppose the pictures will turn up later. Besides that, I only have one other picture to show for it.

HEHEHE yeahhhh baby (;

Warning: from this point on there’s a complete change of tone!

I’ve now reached the last half-hour of my post-exam holiday. I feel nervous as I turn, as I force myself to stop looking at the past, and now face a completely new direction: the new term of A-Levels.

I try hard to be optimistic but I’m not going to lie to you: the road ahead looks ghastly. There’s the Lit production we’ve got to work on (no script yet, oh joy), Lit coursework, and I’ve got that piano exam coming up in November/December. Not only will everything be much harder this time around, I haven’t got Miss Caroline and Miss Joanna to help me. The new timetable looks awful – we end at 4pm just about every day!!! And on top of that I’ve still got to manage the flailing HELP Debate Club and its numerous competitions and fundraisings, United Nations Club WHO and SASA. Things look especially bleak since this time round so many friends will be gone: Ezreena, Lily, Ramya, and soon to include Zean Shiung among the list of those who’ve gotten scholarships. You can see why I’m considering not applying to university till next year!

Oh and have I mentioned how much I’ll miss the seniors now that they’re gone? ):

I sound remarkably stoic if I say one way or another, we’ll survive. We always do. And yet there’s always that irrepressible lingering doubt – Of course I won’t die. Of course it won’t kill me. But this time something’s different: the next six months leave plenty of room for me to do something inherently stupid that will ruin the next five years of my life. And then I’ll wallow in regret, I’ll cry, and descend into a general state of general depression and misery. And I’ll still be alive to live and breathe all of that.

But it’s not like I have a choice. And so survive I will. The question is whether I’ll have the strength to pick myself up again if a life-changing mistake is made.

And now it’s five minutes to midnight.

Here goes nothing.

Sun, Sea, Sky, Stars, Sand.

2010-07-01T15:41:00.001+08:00

Family Holiday @ Pulau Perhentian, Jun 14-16 2010

I called this a cliché of a holiday because it was such a typical getaway! Going to an island with clear blue waters to snorkel, dive and sleep.

We had to get up at 4am to go to the airport. I don’t even know why my dad took those pictures of us at the airport – we all looked horrible. I mean come on, who feels like posing at 4am in the morning?! So there’s only one halfway decent picture of me on the first day and that was taken after we got to the resort.

You know how people always talk about white sands and clear blue waters?

Well the way I grew up, the only beach I get to see on a regular basis is Gurney Drive in Penang and you know what THAT looks like.

So when I saw this I went O.O

And went around shouting ohmygod I can see the bottom!!!

Very jakun. Oh well.

And here is that halfway decent picture of me, my eyebags cleverly hidden with my mom’s frames.

Oh and can you believe I went on an island getaway and FORGOT TO PACK MY ~~FAKE~~ SUNNIES?!

Papa and Mama cheesy-cheesying (;

Okay so that’s the end of the first day. And here I have a confession to make. The other thing that we forgot to bring was the underwater camera. And so we spent a good amount of our time snorkeling and scuba diving, but no pictures to show for it.

-________________________-

But there were other more amusing sights.

Like this one.

Aaah.

They’re doing HOMEWORK.

Bless them. (:

The guests all came to the beachfront to watch the World Cup matches every night. This was where I watched that disappointing Portugal-Ivory Coast match and just about gave up on the World Cup.

They even had beach books so that you could have that sprawled-on-the-beach-reading-a-book look. O.O

Somebody on the island is an England supporter!

Mama and I posing before getting on the ferry back. (:

My hair was getting blown about and my dad found it veeeeery amusing. –____-

This is the little boy from the family that went on vacation with us. He ran off with my hat and tried to hide in it. :)

I caught him and made him pose as punishment. (:

So that was my cliché of a holiday at Perhentian! And my captions are all super duper boring but what to do; no pictures of all the exciting coral and fish. ): I’m really upset that I can’t show you what it was like. It was a completely different world. All I have to remind me of that time in the sea are the cuts and scratches I got from the coral.

The best I can say is go see Perhentian for yourself! No point heading all the way to the Bahamas when you’ve got something just as good right here. (:

Insomnia.

2010-06-30T07:52:00.001+08:00

My sister has irregular sleeping habits. She will fall asleep at 9pm at night and wake up at 4am in the morning to do her homework. The thing is I am a very light sleeper whose idea of an early bedtime is midnight, and whatever waking time I have in mind it is probably NOT 4am… And we share a room.

But I have to admit that there’s a lot more than just my sister keeping me up. Blogging inspirations chose this ridiculous ungodly hour to present themselves in the front of my head, as well as a whole lot of other problems. Which is why I am here at 6.30am checking facebook and, of all things, blogging.
–_______-

But the toll of four and a half hours of sleep is showing. There are so many things I want to tell you.

I want to tell you that I discovered a love of photography but I don’t have a fancy camera. Heck, I don’t even have a camera.

I want to tell you that SASA’s in trouble again! (; hehehe hi Lily.

I want to tell you about how everyone seems to be in such a hurry to move their lives along. Do you have any idea how many people are leaving because they’ve gotten scholarships? This is so sad; because no matter how many times we try to remind ourselves that change is life’s only constant, it still sucks to see someone go.

I want to tell you about my holiday so far – my beautiful cliché of a vacation at Pulau Perhentian, the perfect cookie recipe and Briana’s 18th Birthday Bash @ Blossom Deli.

I want to tell you about volunteering at animal shelters and how I can’t understand why people want to dye their pet’s hair, and squash them into tiny little frilly dresses – in short, trying to make their pets fit our definition of what is pretty. Why is there even a need for animals to be pretty and cute anyhow?

I want to tell you that the Cleo magazine often features amazing lifestyle articles, and one article from the June 2010 issue particularly caught my eye. It was about how women have unfair expectations set upon them, and how too much body love isn’t good for you. It was an eye-opener.

I want to share with you all the wonderful PostSecrets I found.

And I want to tell you how badly I need a functioning laptop of my own! And I WILL tell you, just not right now, because it IS 6.30am in the morning, and I have only had four and a half hours of sleep.

This is just a spoiler for what’s coming next. (:

Be That Way. :)

2010-06-27T18:05:00.001+08:00

Briana says:
omg
no good loooking guys at taiwan
fuck
-.-
Louise says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Briana says:
whats the point of abstaining now theeeen
Geeeez
Louise says:
okay i know what to get you for your going away present.
we're gonna make you an album of hot guys pictures.
Briana says:
i mean, i gave up dating for half a year because i was afraid i would just fall for someone for the attention because i thought i should go to taiwan with a very clean start
BUT OMG, NO HOT GUYS AT ALL
Louise says:
hmmm
maybe we should get you a cardboard cut-out of a really cute guy.
then you can take it with you and keep it in your room
Briana says:
CANNOOOT LAH
so tempting
it will only make me hate that place more
GRRRRRR
OMG
what's wrong with their english?!!!!
You know that there is seriously something wrong
when they call spring 'flower season'
that's like
so LALAH
Louise says:
why's that lalah!!?
Briana says:
it sounds lalah
am i being picky?
HEHH HEH HEH
and now I am thinking of buying another pair of sport shoes
cause mine is white
and I dont think you'd like washing your shoes when it is so cold there
Louise says:
hahahaha
look on the bright side
every day you're going to look like the best dressed couple from your party.
Briana says:
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAH
WTF
Eh, I like the uniforms kays
I just need to add my own style into it
OMG
YONG SUI NEVER MIND
THEY ARE LIKE SUPER SHORT D;
HOW LAH LU
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
I NO WAN NO WAN NO WAN
( for a moment I have this super funny thought. Here I m whining, then one week upon reaching you see fb and it says Briana Nino Leong is in a relationship)
hhhahaahhaha
wtf.
Louise says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
if that happens
i might just die laughing
Briana says:
HAHAAHHA
And I will be embarrassed like shit
BUT PLEASE LAH
IT WONT HAPPEN
Louise says:
DON'T TALK LIDDAT
LATER IT REALLY HAPPEN HOW
I'M GONNA LAUGH SOME MORE!
Briana says:
NEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER
HAHAHAHAHAHA
YOU SUPER MEAN
hahhaahhaahahahahXD
No hot girls there also -.-
WHICH IS GOOOD
cause no competition wtf.
Louise says:
BUT THERE'S NO PRIZE EITHER!!!
hahahahahahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa
Briana says:
YEAHHHHH
Louise says:
shit
damn lame
Briana says:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN
hhahahhahahaha
i am like
laughing out loud
Louise says:
okay no i refuse to believe that some godforsaken small town like malaysia can have reasonably hot guys and taiwan don't have.
i give you two months
before you change your status.
Briana says:
HAHAHAHAAHHAA
is that a bet?
huh huh huh?!
Louise says:
YESH.
BRING IT ON BABY
Briana says:
okay
i be honest kays
if i really am i will change the status
whoever wins gets a real nice christmas present
ngum ngum 9 +2 = 11
by november
or you scared want to make it by decemberrrr
AHHAHAHAH
Louise says:
december lol.
fine i'm chicken.
Briana says:
lol
Louise says:
but then at least december i'll have money for sure.
hahahahahaa
right now i'm broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Briana says:
hahahhaha, I'll get you sth nice from Taiwan anyow
but if you win you get sth even nicer
okay, so the deadline is?
Louise says:
er i can't think of any specific date so
christmas day
it's about 6 months from now anyhow.
oh!
khoo yee hsiong's back from england!
Briana says:
OH, how is that related to me?
eh, 2 weeks before christmas
or i wont have time to shop
Louise says:
hahahahaha okay
11 dec.
wah damn serious weih
LOL LOL.
Briana says:
I know right
hahhaahahahahahahaahahaahahah!
wah 1111
I seriously dontknow what to expect
hahhahaha
But if I am happy there
I dont mind getting you a bigger gift
lolololol
Louise says:
1112 LAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DECEMBER!
Briana says:
hahhahaahhaha
okay okay
okay
okay
CEH
HAHHAHAAH
PUI PUI PUI
so kan cheonghahahahhaha
I thought I could trick you into it
hahahahah
once you say okay
....'
DENG
Louise says:
RIGHT.
just admit it bree
your original hair colour isn't black!!!!!!!
Briana says:
WHAT
Louise says:
lol no la jk.
Briana says:
It is black lahj
are you like blind or sth
It's like even darker than normal people's har
*hair
and wh lah you suddenly talk abt hair color
dont change the subject
are you trying to make me dye or sth?
Louise says:
i'm talking about blondes.
-________________________-
Briana says:
OH.

Louise says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

& now you know why the title of Joanna’s blog is “my best friend is a bimbo”. (:

What I Found On PostSecret:

2010-06-25T23:52:00.001+08:00

Wanna bet the person who wrote this is a virgin?

Hey Mr. Arnstein, Here I Am!

2010-06-23T01:29:00.001+08:00

People like asking me why I pulled out of the Creative Artistic Soul category for the CHS Students’ Choice Awards last year. I told everyone that it was because I felt that, as the head of the department running the Awards, I shouldn’t be contesting. But that was an excuse to save my pride. It was actually more because put next to people like Briana Leong, my creativity pales in comparison. If you are blessed enough to have received a gift from her before, chances are it was probably handmade with painstaking care and detail. If there was any one person who exuded beauty and elegance and spunk from every pore, it would be her. She is so good with both her hands, and her words!

Me and Bree on CHS’s Graduation Day 2009.

Here is a blog post of hers that I particularly enjoyed reading and I told her so. And when she asked me to do the post as well so she could read my answers I went EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :DDD And so I have, but please click and see her original post before you read my pathetic attempt below at creating something as beautiful and poetic as what she has. What to do, I really wanted to try at least! And if I fail to come even close to what she did, I can only say: at least I was honest all the way through this entry. Just as I know she was in hers. Hi, Dan. This is for you, happy birthday yesterday. :)

ONE

If were a month, I’d be April.

Because it’s my birth month; because it’s spring, the start of all things new.

TWO

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Saturday.

Because Saturday mornings have this way of being beautiful, even when they’re clouded over and rainy.

THREE

If I were a time of day, I’d be Dawn.

Jumping out of bed eagerly to greet the day.

FOUR

If I were a planet, I would be one where I can watch the aurora borealis from wherever I am.

Every single night.

FIVE

If I were a sea animal, I’d be Coral.

Stunning but silent.

SIX

If I were a flower, I’d be daisies.

Small, clean and white with a golden heart.

SEVEN

If I were a kind of weather, I’d be the kind where it rains and shines at the same time.

Like laughing through your tears.

EIGHT

If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piccolo.

Tiny but with the voice of a songbird.

NINE

If I were a colour, I’d be a the whole palette!

But if I really had to pick one, it would be yellow. No explanation needed. :)

TEN

If I were a fruit, I’d be a lemon.

So bemoaned by people when life gives them those, but so wonderfully tangy.

ELEVEN

If I were a sound, I’d be bells.

They wake us up, no matter what type of bell they are. They make us sit up and listen.

TWELVE

If I were a car, I’d be a Volkswagen Beetle.

Tiny but classic.

THIRTEEN

If I were a food, I’d be sorbet.

Ice cold and oh-so refreshing.

FOURTEEN

If I were a place, I’d be a big public library.

Wide open, comfortable, with lots of books and people.

FIFTEEN

If I were a scent, I’d be anything citrus.

Anti-soporific.

SIXTEEN

If I were an object, I’d be a patchwork quilt.

A gallimaufry, a queer mixture of patterns, a hodgepodge.

SEVENTEEN

If I were a facial expression, I’d be this.

Life is sheer bliss.

EIGHTEEN

If I were a song, I’d be the one that makes you want to jump and dance like nobody’s watching; the one that makes all your friends join in.

Enjoying the music.

My favourite from Form 4 up till now: Mika – Love Today.

NINETEEN

If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be ballet flats.

Comfortable yet chic.

TWENTY

& If I could be anyone in the whole wide world, I’d be me.

Because as imperfect as it is, there’s no one else’s life I feel like living. I’m a grateful girl. And I’m awesome that way.

Strobe Lights.

2010-06-21T00:04:00.001+08:00

I am pissed off.

You know that saying, “I’m happy even though my life isn’t perfect; I’ve just decided to look past all the imperfections”? That’s me. My life is full of flaws and it is far from perfect. I’m highly doubt there are any people who know me who would want to live my life. But so many things have happened lately: ICRC is over. Exams are over. I’m on holiday. I went shopping :D I had fun with the SASA-rians at the Fete De La Musique. I had fun with the debaters at ICRC and while I was watching movies with them. I created an awesome dessert from scratch and on my first try at making it. I didn’t get any scholarships that can potentially mess up my life lol. My temporary laptop’s been given back to my mom, which means that a proper laptop of my own is probably on the way. MY PHONE IS BACK (in case I haven’t told you yet)!!! On the whole, I feel more relaxed and happy than I have been all year long. Because I’ve chosen to not worry about my exam results, university applications and what not. Every other worry of mine has been wiped out and resolved. I have awesome friends. I have an awesome family. I feel like nothing can go wrong, and if it does, it won’t remain so for long.

The joys outweigh the tears right now by far right now. I can see it.

But I can’t feel it.

All because of one small imperfection which, try as I might, I cannot seem to be able to look past. Normally I’d deal with this kind of imperfection by distracting myself but distractions aren’t working. And this imperfection is preventing me from appreciating the extent of just how wonderful it is for me to be alive right here, right now.

In short, I am pissed off – because I continually allow myself to dwell and moan on this imperfection, because I cannot find in myself the belief that I am strong enough to ignore this imperfection; to accept that this is the situation, and I can do nothing to change it. It pisses me off because it’s such a small, shallow, superficial thing to hold my attention. And because of it, I am rendered completely incapable of being happy, although by every other right I should be.
Being a reject sucks balls.
Somebody needs to slap some sense into me.

And now for something completely different.

- BAM!

2010-06-17T01:16:00.001+08:00

In one of the debates at ICRC, one of the speakers on the opposing team stood up and began her speech by announcing that goldfish have a memory of three seconds, and that she hoped that all present had memories like goldfishes. I don’t really remember why exactly she hoped we had a memory span of a fish; maybe so we could forget everything that their team’s previous speaker had said that had screwed their team up. But if it makes her happy, I think I really do have the memory of one of those gaping guppies: there are so many important things about life that I forget.

And I say forget, because it’s not like I don’t know these things. They just… Slip my mind at the most inopportune moments.

I have to remember that the opinion of one person doesn’t signify anything; that I shouldn’t rest on my laurels anyway; that there is no shortcut to anything worthwhile; that everything is subjective, even if people choose to believe otherwise; to screw talent, just outwork everyone else; to not edit my feelings; to be bigger than my troubles.

I have to remember that there will always be second chances; that consistency pays off; to stop wishing and start working; and that I have a piano class at 9.30am and I am still up this late, blogging as if my life depends on it wtf.

Evidently I also have to remember to prioritize.

So there.

One shot, one gunshot, and -

2010-06-13T23:44:00.001+08:00

Looking back, it was a bit crazy to dive headfirst into the ICRC competition so soon after joining the world of debate and finding a team. The motions of the humanitarian law debate are some of the toughest ever around. The days leading up to the competition were spent alternating between studying for A-levels and reading up on current humanitarian issues. But as Kareem, Lily and I found out, extensive knowledge alone isn’t going to save you in the ICRC debate; it’s just a minimum requirement. The motions are complicated, making proving/disproving the other team an extremely difficult job. I’m not that surprised that we only won one round (as far as I know).

But the fun I had justifies everything. I had fun training, and I had fun at the real competition. I learnt so much about my team and how it could function better – if Kareem wants to continue debating with us, of course. [insert biiiiiiiig hopeful grin :D] The most fun I had was during the HELP 1 vs. HELP 3 round, and I’m not even sure why I had so much fun, even though my team didn’t win the round! The tension just wasn’t there; it felt like another of our many practice rounds. Everyone in the room knew each other, the adjudicator included. Debating is a social event, and it’s a lot more fun when you know everyone you’re up against.

Fun doesn’t excuse not working harder though (a treaty a day!!). You can bet the next time I’m around for a competition we’re going to win more than just a quarter or two-fifths of the rounds.

The realization that the exams have ENDED ~~for now~~ hasn’t quite sunk in. But I love that feeling every time I do remember that I don’t have to bring a book along to study everywhere I go. Remember that long long note that Mercedes/Amber Riley sang at the end of the song in Glee, Proud Mary?

HEY YEAH YeEeeEEAAaaAaAaaAAAH! :D

Sinking Submarines.

2010-06-08T20:38:00.001+08:00

So let me get some things straight.

I remember this.

And now, six months after that post, I want to tell you something.

I love English Lit.

I love Miss Caroline and all her mad quirks. I love how she makes us have a minute of silence every time Larkin’s name comes up in class. I love how she lectures us about life and how she reasons that love might not actually exist (oh the irony). I love her sarcasm. And I love how she takes no excuses and goes easy on nobody.

I love my classmates. They form the majority of the people I hang around with in college. I love how open-minded they are, and how down-to-earth they are at the same time. I love the the huge range of our diverse interests, talents and personalities, and how we all seem to fit together seamlessly in spite of those differences. I love the sense of unity that Miss Caroline fostered in us.

And of course, I love the subject itself. I love it when someone comes up with a different interpretation of a certain poem that we haven’t thought of before. I love arguing over different points of views of the poems. I love having to learn to overcome the difficulty of sounding coherent in my answers, and not like I have a bad case of verbal diarrhea. I love that “OH!” moment when I stumble upon the possible meaning of the poem, a meaning that was so beautifully encased in words, like a tiny gift wrapped entirely with spun glass or crystal or icing sugar instead of wrapping paper, so differently presented from the usual way that the reader can’t help but marvel at the poet’s very different and original way of looking at the world. I love knowing what caesuras, enjambements, spondee, trochaic and cinquain mean!

But I’m not going to lie to you:

I’m glad as hell that my unit 1 English Lit exam is over.

PS: Sorry Shaun, next post maybe. (:

Eye On The Target, And WHAM -

2010-06-06T21:04:00.001+08:00

Hi.

Doesn’t this make you wish you worked so you could attend this kind of meetings? :D

Malfeasance;

2010-06-03T22:43:00.001+08:00

This country continually lets us down, in more ways than we could ever imagine.

I was blog-hopping and I came across this incredibly disturbing personal account of a student who witnessed a horrific traffic accident involving two smaller cars and a lorry. The passengers of one of the smaller cars were able to get out of the car easily, but there was a girl trapped inside the other car, screaming for help. The car was crushed and she was badly injured. The student tried to get her out, but noticed that the car had caught fire and was just beginning to burn. He quickly drove to the a petrol station which was a mere 500 meters away. He ran to the station attendant and asked to use one of the 4 fire extinguishers available, explaining the emergency and hence the need for it. It wouldn’t have harmed the station just to borrow one of them for a while. There was someone’s life at stake after all.

Here’s the horrible part, the part I find incomprehensible, shocking, and left me feeling dismayed with the station attendant’s reaction: he refused to let the student borrow the fire extinguisher.

You really cannot blame the student for shouting at the station attendant, who was all the time sitting benignly behind the glass of the counter. According to this frustrated student, he just kept saying “cannot borrow” and refused to open the door. At one point he changed his story and said that his boss did not allow him to lend the fire extinguishers to anybody. He even got another of his partners to come and back him up. The two of them stood their ground against the student.

By this time the student was kicking and punching the glass of the kiosk; which, considering the blatant lack of empathy from the kiosk attendants, was actually quite an acceptable reaction. He even said that he would leave his IC with the station attendants, saying that if he did not return the extinguisher they could report him to the police. And still, for some incomprehensible reason, they refused. They even had the gall to say that the CCTV had caught all his actions on camera and that they would be reporting him the next day.

Giving up, the student drove back to the scene, only to find the car completely on fire. The poor girl was burnt alive inside.

The student later then reported the actions of the petrol station attendants to the police, who were angered as well and promised to take action. But of course by then it was too late to do anything about the dead girl.

There are no words to describe how I felt when I read this. I feel so, so angry with the station attendants. Why could they have not lent ONE of the FOUR fire extinguishers to the student? For what reason did they decide to cling to the fire station property like it was the Hope Diamond and not a fire extinguisher that they were charged with guarding?

Why could it not have occurred to them to see the accident for themselves if the student was telling the truth? There were two attendants after all, one could have guarded the station while the other went with the student to make sure that, against all odds, they would get their precious fire extinguisher back. Why could they not have accepted the student’s offer of his IC? That alone should have proof of his sincerity. An IC isn’t quite a fair exchange for a fire extinguisher.

The problem is that now I am angry. I can just imagine the attendants languidly denying him any access, possibly even making fun of the student’s frustration. It’s something we’re all too familiar with – the tak apa lah attitude of Malaysians that I have come to detest. How many times have we witnessed a situation where we should have spoken up, should have acted, should have taken a little more initiative to right something that went wrong, and then decided that it wasn’t such a big deal and could live with the cons? How many times have we been the ones saying aiyah never mind lah? Think about the time you were at the public library and they didn’t let you borrow a book because there was a system error and the librarian couldn’t be bothered to figure out what the problem was. Think about the time you last saw litter lying on the ground. Think about the time you queued up for something and it gets to your turn only to be told curtly that what you want isn’t available/is not allowed, and worst of all had no alternative solution offered.

Believe me, this is related to my rant: this disgusting tak apa lah attitude can and has lead us to believe that the world revolves around us, and nothing potentially harmful will ever happen to us. We begin to dislike venturing out of our comfort zone, and therefore become increasingly complacent. We develop the mentality that nothing untoward can ever happen to us. We think it won’t happen to me.We invent excuses as to why we don’t have to do things, to act on anything because there is sure to be someone else who’ll pick up after us. We blame it on computers and bosses – the big unseen people whom we will never get to speak to and therefore do not need to deal with once the complaint is gone, shoved to the back of the mind to be forgotten. Out of sight, out of mind. This is the kind of attitude and mentality we’ve developed. Only in this situation, it was taken too far.

How about, no, it DOES matter, that if something seems wrong we have to act on it, and we can’t leave it lying around and expect another person to fix up? That if you see litter lying around, you have to pick it up? That what little you do DOES make a difference, no matter how small or insignificant the action? How about, no, someone’s life does depend on your passing me one of your four fire extinguishers; and whatever consequences your boss will deal you don’t mean jack in this situation?

As usual I don’t think I make sense. I am outraged and very, very bitter with the way this life could have so easily been saved, but wasn’t just because someone was too fucking lazy to look outside the window and try to feel a hint of compassion for the person stuck in the car, just because it’s not happening to him and (in his mind) probably never will. They chose to remain cruelly and blissfully ignorant. I am so angry and full of disbelief that something as cruel as this could have happened so close to home, in a city and country which boasts of first-class infrastructure and harmony and unity among its people and many other things. And yet it can happen – it did. I have never felt so unsafe, scared for my own life and for the lives of the ones I love. I have never felt so let down. And I have never in my life wished so hard for the concept of karma to be true.

Congratulations, Malaysia. Negara ini memang boleh.

Eye Of The Hurricane;

2010-06-01T22:50:00.001+08:00

We now have a brief respite from the next (and final!) round of exams – English Lit and C2. On top of that the pressure from the last week has lifted – the stress was unbelievable. My phoneS (!!!) were wrecked, and I couldn’t tell my parents; they’re just not the kind of people who can laugh at careless mistakes. And with relevance to that, I had screwed something up in every exam so far, no matter how hard I had worked. And then there I was, once again, worrying about things that I should not even have been worrying about in the first place.

I know I was talking about fighting pessimism; the truth is that on the blog I can cover up my foul moods really well. In reality I was so stressed out that I couldn’t even sleep well at night because I was speculating about everything that could potentially go wrong.

But some things helped ease the strain immeasurably. Things like 5-page-long pathetically ranty emails and chats on MSN that lasted well past the parents’ forgivable bedtime. And it didn’t quite matter that there were no solutions offered to any of the problems I was facing; it was strangely therapeutic to come home and type all of it out knowing that someone on the other end would be listening. Just that assurance that someone cared enough to listen was enough. By Saturday, some of my problems had somehow resolved themselves.

I didn’t thank them enough then. And I doubt I ever will be able to – how is a counseling session like that repayable? I suppose the best way would be to let you know how much you helped me: for the first time in two and a half weeks, I slept well last Wednesday night.

Lesson learnt: even the worst day is only 24 hours long. :)

I have one week to go to English Lit and C2 math! And I am PROUD to say that I haven’t procrastinated too much – except when I spent all of Sunday watching Criminal Minds and eating junk food and getting nothing done at all which resulted in another long pathetic rant to said friend. This has resulted in me going vegetarian for this week, by the way. :D

On the bright side to the exams, this means there is just one more week to go till the 3-week break – I simply cannot wait! It has been a long time since I had such a long holiday. And I’d like to say that I’ve earned it.

On the downside to the exams, this means that this is just over one week away.

These 1 2 3 are going to have to be my best friends for the next 7 days. Sigh.

And on a completely unrelated note, with reference to this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/world/middle_east/10201165.stm

I just thought that the Turkish government should be incredibly proud.

Maybe it’s because I still live in the world of heroes and heroines from the movies; where if they put up a hard enough fight against all the odds, by some wild lucky stroke dealt by the fickle Lady Fortune (or maybe even Calypso :D) – they will win.

I just thought it was really, really brave of the people aboard the flotilla to put up such a terrific resistance to the Israelis in the name of providing aid for those suffering in the Gaza Strip. They were raided by the Israeli army, commando-style, going in with guns blazing. They knew that if the Israeli army tried to stop them in any way, none of their aid would get through to the Gazans. So they decided to fight back. And hell, did they fight back. Watch the video of them throwing one of the Israeli soldiers offboard. It’s the stuff of pirate movies!

Okay I have the feeling that I am somehow being insensitive. But I do respect those aboard the Mavi Marmara. The dead among them died heroes!

Today,

2010-05-29T01:25:00.001+08:00

I feel a lot happier and less stressed out than I have been all month. And I can’t tell you why, because I’m not even sure what’s making me so happy.

Oh well. Who ever said we needed a reason to be happy?

DFTBA! :)

I Think That

2010-05-28T00:01:00.001+08:00

I need to be a lot more realistic about the person I am. There are some things you just can’t be, no matter how hard you try. A less shallow and insecure person is probably one of them.

Remember how at the beginning of this year I was agonizing about choosing between Econs and Physics?

Tomorrow I will find out if the choice I made was the right one.

On another note, anyone coming with me to this?

One Throw, That Bell Will Go Clang;

2010-05-26T15:39:00.001+08:00

What happened was I was trying to study Econs last night. And then the outhouse for my residential area crashed. I then spent a more than proportional amount of time running around lighting candles to light up my study area. Once I was completely satisfied that the desk was well-lit, I couldn’t study because it was so hot. -________-

I unintentionally woke up at 6.30am because it was so hot. It was at that point that I discovered that one phase of electricity had been restored to my house, resulting in the very queer occurrence of only half my house having electricity. Therefore in the kitchen the fridge works but the toaster doesn’t. WTF.

Fortunately the study (where the computers and modem are :D) is part of the house that has electricity, so I can come back here and finish typing that blog post that I thought I would come and finish post-Econs.

***

When it happened on Monday, I told everyone around me who cared to listen. It was as if by telling everyone I could somehow lessen the burden of the mistake. And it kinda worked :D

But in case I haven’t told you myself yet: I missed out one entire question on my C1 Math exam paper. I DID read the instructions in front before I started the paper! And I still inexplicably forgot when I got to question 10.

I dropped my phone down the toilet on the day of the Chemistry exam, and now for C1 something else goes down the drain too – 8 marks. Is it me or am I having an exceptionally poor run of luck this round of exams? It makes me wonder what will happen on Friday come the Econs exam!!!

I am sounding more pessimistic than I really feel. It isn’t THAT bad lah :D I’m just doing it for effects. Really, I like sharing everything about me: what makes me happy as well as what makes me upset.

So to make up for the thunderclouds that have been hanging over this blog for the last few days, here are genuine (though unhelpfully unoriginal) wishes of love, laughter and life from me.

“Oh, it’s delightful to have ambitions. I’m so glad I have such a lot. And there never seems to be any end to them— that’s the best of it. Just as soon as you attain to one ambition you see another one glittering higher up still. It does make life so interesting.”
- L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

“Why is it easier to affirm “something’s wrong” than to say “everything’s great?” Isn’t it strange for us to say, “I’m lazy. I’m fat. I’m no good,” thereby creating our life experience to be one that is late, tired, and worthless. Leave it to our egos to keep us in that small game and hold us back. If you haven’t started yet, I invite you take on affirmations that brighten your day. Create a bigger life for yourself simple by saying things like, “I am tireless, perfect being. I have access to everything and I am complete.”
- Jason Mraz

And on that note,

*Crap the electricity just got cut off for the whole house again. Why oh why did I spend so much time on boredpanda.com??*

One Roll For The Whole Shebang;

2010-05-23T17:47:00.001+08:00

Two days on and the memory of how I lost my phone still traumatizes me. I don’t want to think about it! But just so you know, I’m still phone-less. The funny thing is that it’s not the contact with the outside world that I’m craving; it’s the music that I could carry around with me and play whenever I’m waiting.

I have a free moment. There are so many things I want to say. I want to tell you how two separate but related events are screwing up my life so badly that it’s difficult to focus on what really matters; but I also want to keep things to myself and hope that they’ll work out fine. I want to tell you how I think I might just survive this round of A-Levels. I want to tell you how scared I am that I am only just surviving, and knowing that this is only the first term. I want to tell you how excited I am about the time after this round of exams; I have got so many things planned out. But I’m also so worried that I won’t be able to cope with the workload. I want to tell you how I think I’m biting off more than I can chew. And yet, I still feel like I am procrastinating.

I want to tell you that I like reading PostSecret. More than I like finding secrets I can relate to, I like reading each of them and imagining the writer’s story. Some secrets are dark and dirty and downright disgusting; but some are so sweet. Here’s one of my favourite PostSecrets.

It makes me wonder who wrote the note. And I wonder if the writer ever realized what a profound impact his little random scribbling had on the life of two other individuals.

And there are so, so many PostSecrets I love and want to share! But my C1 papers are calling me once again, to remind me that they shouldn’t be taken lightly just because they’re C1.

Sometimes I wonder why I am so kiasu, and what good it’s going to do me.

Here’s just one more PostSecret.

2010-05-21T20:14:00.001+08:00

HI.

I DROPPED MY PHONE DOWN THE TOILET BOWL.

IT WAS MY SPARE PHONE.

WTF.

FML FML FML FML FML FML.

Exams.

2010-05-19T21:10:00.001+08:00

The exams that we sit for are stupid. Not only do they make us regurgitate whatever we learn – especially the science exams – but they also make us regurgitate it in a very fixed manner. But even more stupid than the science exams are the English SPM exams, and I truly resented how stupid the marking scheme for that particular exam ran. The examiners look for essays from model essay books and don’t appreciate creative takes on essay topics.

Like how once the topic was to write about an incident where a moment of forgetfulness got you into trouble. I composed a piece on how a burglar broke into his ex-boss’s house, robbed it and left a note making fun of his ex-boss, but got caught because he absent-mindedly signed his name at the end of the note. It was GOOD, and I had so much fun writing it!

But someone else scored higher than me on that particular essay. She didn’t write particularly well, and I swear I’m not being bitter here! She wrote about how she forgot about an exam – which is such a predictable take on the topic (and an ironic one, considering the title of this post. It shows you just how seriously we take exams.). And yet the teacher gave her a higher score… Because she inserted more idioms and difficult words into her essay than I did.

Sheesh.

But it is precisely the stupidity of the exam system that makes me secretly like them so much. It’s easy to get the better of them if you study right. Besides this is the time of the year where you have no classes and homework at all and you can use it as an excuse to skip out on anything. Like driving lessons, piano practice and chores. :D

(The fact that I don’t always score well in exams just proves how lazy I am)

On the downside, however, it makes our sleeping and eating habits go out of whack. All of us sleep less. Some of us eat more, some of us eat less. Unfortunately I’m from the group of people who become unexplainably peckish in the days leading up to the exams. Since Monday I’ve polished off two jars of potato crisps, two bars of chocolate, a Big Gulp of 7Up and I’ve moved on to Oreos DoubleStuff and chocolate wafers. I HAVE GAINED NOTICEABLE WEIGHT AND I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT GRRR.

On the upside, I am now eligible for blood donation. :D

None of the cons quite excuses me from being here when I have a Chemistry exam on Friday, two letters of sponsorship to finish up, tickets to book, the SAT to study for and lots of research to do. Sigh. Why do I like reminding myself? :(

Hands up, all you people sitting for A-Levels/midterms. And if you’re here, why don’t you tell me all the things you’ve been up to besides studying? The chatbox is yours.

Down The Hall, Maybe Straight Up The Stairs;

2010-05-15T23:26:00.001+08:00

Josh Turner – Why Don’t We Just Dance

The Global Law Of Exams

The Law of Exams states that the concentration of exams is directly proportional to the concentration of distractions available on the entertainment front such as books, videos, games, events, TV shows and movies. i.e. when there are no exams there will be hardly any distractions of the sort. And when exam season hits, distractions proliferate. This law is applicable universally to all sorts of exams.

Almost one year on, the video of the cast of Glee performing Don’t Stop Believing still cheers me up every single time I watch it.

I just realized that I really, really, really like lemons. Though I can’t eat lemons just like that. Nobody in their right mind could. But I love how a little bit of lemon juice, added to most things, can make such a big difference. Think about sprinkling lemon juice on your fish and chips, or the slice of lemon in a mocktail. Even a little bit of lemon juice and thin shreds of lemon skin added to plain water can make it a refreshing drink. No sugar needed. Lemons may be sour but the sourness is refreshingly tangy. I like pineapples too for the same reason but they’re nowhere as zesty as lemons.

So how can I ever be upset if life gives me lemons?

I’ve given you one of my favourite songs, and one of my favourite pictures. Now I’m going to share one of my favourite videos.

The man in the short film is so cheerful, it’s inspiring. :)

I have got a lot on my mind regarding university applications. I know exactly what I want to apply for and where I want to do it. But I am also determined to do a gap year, and I’m not sure if I should apply to university this year or wait till next year. Anyone want to offer me advice on this? :/

PS: One thing about not putting my thoughts in point form is that it makes the post look a lot less hodgepodge than it really is.

Just For Laughs;

2010-05-12T14:00:00.001+08:00

21 Point Plan To Win Elections.

1. Always try and read the opposing political person's mind. Never wait until the other person (or country) explains itself.If that fails, try the Ouija board.

2. Judge before you are judged.

3. Never give the other side the benefit of the doubt.

4. Always jump to conclusions.

5. Never seek any outside assistance.

6. What you say is what you mean, even if that isn't so.

7. Change your mind randomly and without notice.

8. Always treat the other side like they were mentally deficient if not criminally insane.

9. Impute evil intentions to every act of the other.

10. When all else fails, do not respond at all.

11. There are two possible meanings to everything, if in doubt, explain that they took it the wrong way.

12. Launch a public relations campaign disputing your opponent.

13. Predict dire economic consequences, and ignore the cost benefits.

14. Find and pay a respected scientists to argue persuasively against incumbent government environmental policies.

15. Use non-peer reviewed scientific publications or industry-funded scientists who don't publish original peer-reviewed scientific work to support your point of view on matters of public health and environment.

16. Trumpet discredited scientific studies and myths supporting your points of view as scientific fact.

17. Point to the substantial scientific uncertainty, and the certainty of economic loss if immediate action is taken with respect to problems.

18. Use data from a local area to support your views, and ignore the global evidence.

19. Disparage scientists, saying they are playing up uncertain predictions of doom in order to get research funding when encountering global warming issues.

20. Complain that it is unfair to require regulatory action in Britain, as it would put the nation at an economic disadvantage.

21. Claim that more research is needed before action should be taken on things to do with public Health and Safety.
From loonyparty.com :)

Unbuttoned.

2010-05-10T22:41:00.001+08:00

I have an announcement to make.

Today, for the first time since I began blogging in 2007, I removed all the blog counters from my blog, and I deleted my Nuffnang account. It’s not just the fact that they’re pointless – that anyone can refresh the page and make it look like there were two visits instead of one. It’s also the fact that they put pressure on me to blog. The OMG blog stats dropping better make up for it feeling.

However the truth is it’s been getting hard to write anything that feels truly sincere, something that isn’t written in the hope that somebody will see it and, more importantly, be impressed. And you know what happens when you try too hard: it usually falls flat.

I have always loved writing, and after years of doing it I think blogging is one of the forms of prose that are most difficult to create. This is why I ardently follow wordy blogs and I take time to read them, even though they lack pictures. I truly admire people who can blog well. I’m not just talking about pinkpau; there are plenty of people I know personally whose blogs I think are awesome, and I follow them on a daily basis. Seeing that they’ve updated their blogs can make my day! One day if I have the guts, I’ll tell you who they are. :) But I digress – let’s get back to the topic of blogging and what makes it so hard.

Essentially every post is a little bit about myself, flaws and all. Even a simple post about a day out can reveal important facets of myself, primarily the way I see the world. And God knows it can be so hard to be completely honest. I don’t mean that I misconstrue the facts; I’m talking about the way I express and purvey those facts. We’ve all tried putting on different personas to make ourselves seem like marginally more interesting people. I can fake my way through school essays, news articles and other pieces of the written word. But to me, blogging requires as much care as writing a personal statement. Okay, maybe not AS much! But like a personal statement, blogging requires me to talk freely about myself, to express myself in a manner that’s simultaneously interesting, coherent and reflects the person I am, because it’s about me. And I strongly believe that writing styles reflect the writer’s maturity. Putting blog counters just increases the pressure to write something well, and that of course has an inverse effect on the quality of the writing.

I don’t know if you get what I’m trying to say, but it seems wrong to hinge so much importance on something that should inherently be me, because that’s immature and therefore contradictory. In real life, I don’t think through every action twenty times before I perform it, and I don’t ~~(always)~~ do things for the sake of attention; and I believe the same should apply to blogging.

From now on, I’m going to write for me. I don’t give two hoots about how many hits a day I get anymore. There won’t be any more why aren’t my stats going up? ): nonsense. And if you really like/dislike something, you can tell me yourself in the chatbox! (I’m keeping the cbox because this blog template doesn’t allow comments; and I do like to be told in words that I did something well. *TAKE A HINT, READERS!*)

Okay, so you saw the word “announcement” up there and what I’ve written here is very potong steam. But this is important to me. I tentatively remind you – I don’t like to do this; who likes reminding people of their own flaws? – that there are some days when I overreact to the things people say or do around me. There are some days when I forget to not let myself be defined by things around me: appearances, acquaintances, scholarships or blog stats. There are just some days I forget to live unbuttoned.

This is just another way I’m reminding myself to remember.

This blog post was refreshingly honest. I have not felt this good about blogging in a very long time! :D

On a completely unrelated note, congratulations to Chelsea for winning the Premier League! :) I’m a Liverpool supporter but I can still concede that we’re losing out and they deserve the win. Anything but Man United.

This Is Why.

2010-05-09T22:19:00.001+08:00

Because no matter how hard you work, someone must come in last. Because life isn’t always going to reward you in proportion to the effort you put in. Because we know that you put in your 110% even though you came in last, and that’s much better than not giving it your best shot, coming in last and having regrets. Because it was always supposed to be more about the fun you and your teammates had working together than the actual results. Because nothing ever goes to waste. Because you know that ~~the judges are screwed up~~ the judge’s decision in this case is not infallible and therefore is not to be taken as a measure of how well you actually performed. I mean, we’ve all seen and experienced the close-minded way in which they evaluate our chef d'oeuvres. Not enough recycled materials wtf.

Because someone out there knows you are capable of handling all this, and more. And you know that, from now on, you’re going to be a little harder, better, faster and stronger.

I don’t claim to know what you’ve gone through. Do we ever really know what someone else goes through? I just really wanted to make you feel better. And this is what I would have needed to hear, if it had been me.

Chin up, smile.

P/S: Oh! And because when all else fails, there’s nothing a pint of cookies and cream ice-cream can’t solve. :)

& I Swear

2010-05-07T22:06:00.001+08:00

that the last two weeks of my life will not repeat themselves.

Doing poorly at Lit was depressing. Overcoming complacency is a long and hard lesson to learn, and I’ve only just taken the first step. But of course the harder the lesson, the more worth learning it is.

That’s what I tell myself anyway!

On another note, TOMORROW IS CHS SPORTS DAY!

I went back today to see the deco and marching. I saw what every single one of the houses got up to. And I swear everyone is going hardcore. Practicing marching up till 9pm, out on the padang in the dark. Every year they try to outdo each other and the previous years in terms of creativity and dedication.

Sports day was my favorite part of high school for many reasons. CHS is as conformist a school as any other is Malaysia. But Sports Day is the one time everyone makes an obvious, sincere attempt to break out of the mould. Sports Day is a huge event in CHS. They think out of the box to come up with cool marching formations and impressive deco effects. They go as far as staying overnight in school and missing out on sleep just to finish the tents! During this time the teachers only have authorizing power, but even that seems like it’s given a little more freely than at any other time of the year.

I remember there was one year the admins considered revoking the right to stay overnight in school. For the first time ever, everyone was incredibly vocal about this. There was such consternation about missing 7 hours of working time that the Scouts decided that they would boycott Sports Day if the students weren’t allowed to stay overnight in school. And everyone knows that without the Scouts (to tie up the bamboo structures and all), Sports Day cannot go on. I don’t know if they ever had to take it that far, to blackmail the admins, but I’m glad that they actually considered doing that instead of taking it lying down and opening up hate groups on Facebook. *COUGH*

I just realized how typically Chinese that situation sounds. –.- we are workaholics. But I’m proud because that was one time we were actually serious about standing up to the admins!

My question is why this only happens during Sports Day season!! But I suppose once a year is better than not at all.

If there are any Form 5s reading this, enjoy tomorrow. It’s your last Sports Day ever. Make it a good one! Special wishes to those from Rumah Kuning. (; An ex-senior sends her love.

Autobots, roll out!

Just Off The Key Of Reason.

2010-05-05T01:00:00.001+08:00

I did what I could. I had every right to be pissed off and still, I tried to remain optimistic. I tried to forgive. I tried to reason with myself that people feel insecure and that is that makes them act with such arrogance. I told myself that people like that are to be pitied, and that I’m lucky I don’t run into people like that on a daily basis. I rationalized that anyone involved in debating would want to sound like they know their stuff.

And after all that hard work and goodwill, somebody crosses the line again. And I swear, I have not felt such intense dislike for anybody in my life.

Why, oh why do people try other people’s patience like this? ): Now I’m going to have to take a hard line against inferiority complexes and insecurities. Because after today, I realized that they certainly are no excuse for dissing people to their faces.

The most awful thing is that I’ll probably think of a really witty comeback to this next week. Right now, all I can do is simmer close to boiling point. And a fat lot of help that’s going to do!

I am not happy.

Slips Off Your Tongue Like Turpentine.

2010-05-01T13:05:00.001+08:00

It irks me how much people can talk when they want to sound smart. This is what debaters do but I am not talking about debaters right now. It annoys me how people with such huge inferiority complexes can have such humungous egos. And it amazing how two-faced some of these people can be.

It also saddening that people whom I once thought were nice could turn out to be so jackass-like and dislikeable. It makes me wonder if they changed, or if this was just a part of them I didn’t see before.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

If only!

It has been a very, very long time since I got this pissed off with anyone. But on the bright side, I suppose it’s a sign of a blessing: it’s a reminder that I don’t meet these kind of people that often. And going deeper into that point, it shows how nice the rest of the people in my life have been to me.

So if you know me, and you haven’t trash-talked anyone (whether to their face or not), if you know to keep your mouth shut when you should have, if you have brightened up my day just by being there and if you love me – thank you. :] How do I ever thank you properly enough?

I feel better already! At least some sliver of goodness came out of this angsty episode. Thank God for my inner optimist.

And with that I wish you A VERY

HAPPY MAY! :D

Imma start the new month on the happiest note possible.

Wait A Minute -!

2010-04-25T22:48:00.001+08:00

I’ll make this quick.

My thanks to the person who linked this post to the hate group page. I had no idea how I was going to get anyone to read it, and I was feeling utterly pointless. But so now you’ve read it and I hope you do SOMETHING! Paying respects is flattering but as pointless as it would be if you hadn’t read it.

-edit-

Thank you but please stop saying “respect”! It makes me feel like someone died!!

Now for what I really wanted to say:

Congratulations to the CHS Debate teams (BOTH of them!!) for doing spectacularly at the HELP Debate 2010! ESPECIALLY Carmen Chua, Yu Li and Rachel Gan for BREAKING 1ST out of the 96 teams from around the country! There’s no denying you guys deserve the ranking. I’m not even affiliated with you anymore but I feel so giddy and happy for all of you. (: (Dude I was hopping up and down like a rabid rabbit in the one hour before the breakings were announced. –.-) Can you imagine how much like a proud daddy Ian must feel?!

Now go take out the competition and HAVE FUN! :DD

Sunshine And Daffy-Down-Dillys.

2010-04-23T23:00:00.001+08:00

Dear readers, I want to tell you something.

I blog because I love writing, and because I want to be understood. Because writing for the public eye is so different and requires so much more care and skill than writing a diary.

My name is Louise. I just turned eighteen. And I am the kind of person who’s still struggling to be comfortable in her own skin.

I am a self-professed nerd and I’m proud of it. I study because I love learning and I hate the feeling of not knowing what the lecturer is not talking about. If there’s something that needs to be done, I’ll probably be the one to do it. I love debating. I love speaking in public, but I haven’t ever done public speaking. I want to try everything once, except when it comes to fashion. I support Liverpool but I don’t follow football and I can’t be bothered to find out more than I need to, because I think that football team pride is pointless. I burnt out after piano grade 7; I’m still flogging a dead horse by pushing myself to finish my Diploma ACTL. I don’t follow celebrities and I never will. I think I’m overly serious and I don’t know how to laugh sometimes. I have big dreams, but I’m a procrastinator. I tend to think too much, and I used to say it’s better than not thinking at all, but now I’m not so sure. I’m an underachiever who’s trying to catch up, but I have an ego that needs deflating pretty often. ~~Luckily I know it.~~ I have lots of friends, but I find it impossible to keep a best friend.

And I’m telling you all these things because I used to be ashamed of them. Only I just realized that they’re pretty stupid things to be ashamed of. And so I’m going to TELL you about them! Because I got over being ashamed of parts of me, and so I’m celebrating me!

It’s years but until now there are still some days when I find I cringe when I think that somebody doesn’t like me. I then spend days trying to figure out whether it’s my problem or theirs, and attempting to change the way I act so that I’m better accepted. I am that insecure. And I’d like to think that you go through that too. But this is something that affects me because then I end up blogging to please instead of blogging something sincere and meaningful.

I’m an absent-minded person. At times, I forget to think in a way that allows me live unhindered and like a pair of Levis – unbuttoned. I forget that I have to shrug it off because not only can’t I do anything about it, but it’s also cause it’s the only thing that’s really going to help me get over it. I’m so different and mediocre compared to most of the people around me, but I forget that what the people around me think doesn’t matter. Differences don’t matter. I forget that I’m here at college to study and not anything else. I also forget to give grace to Him for placing me in just the right places at the right time. I forget to be grateful for the people around me. I forget to count my blessings. I forget that this is only one small insignificant grain of sand in the hourglass of my life, and that I shouldn’t worry so much because I have a whole lifetime ahead of me.

But I’m telling you this dear reader, because tonight is different.

Because – obviously - I didn’t forget. (:

And so tonight I’m not blogging to please. I’m blogging to remember.

Depression

2010-04-23T20:07:00.001+08:00

is discovering that I can write, but I can’t blog for nuts. It’s got a lot to do with feeling comfortable with yourself and how you feel, and I haven’t really learnt to put those heartfelt feelings into words. I still cringe from telling everyone what really goes on in my head. Remember how I lost my personable-ness and stopped telling everyone how I feel? I still haven’t got it back yet. I would really like to blame today’s low point on it being that time of the month, but how can I be sure it is what I want it to be? And if it turns out it isn’t, what then?

I’m not going to take any calls from you because supportive as you are, I need someone who knows me better; who frequently tells me off rather than constantly tells me I’m wonderful.

This isn’t a good night.

Sheng Hoay if you read this, you’re needed.

Stick Out Your Chin, And Grin!

2010-04-20T19:16:00.001+08:00

Being angry is too tiring a pastime to to be kept up for long. Here’s something that made me very, very happy.

Joanna and Briana belanja-ed me dinner at Kissaten, Jaya 1 last Saturday night. We had a fabulous time catching up over kiwi smoothies and good food.

It’s funny if you look at our history. We always hung out together in Form 3, being in the same class. But there was always so much drama and angst between us! Hardly a week could go by without one of us pissing the other off. The tension escalated in Form 4. I drifted apart from the other two and there was this horrible period of time when Briana and I couldn’t be near each other. We weren’t on speaking terms. The friendship between us fluctuated so dramatically that once, I told Anselm that Briana and I were good once again, and he laughed and said, yeah right. I give it two days. He was being honest, but it shows how bad we were back then. And for most of the following year, Briana and Joanna were very close, leaving me out of their loop. I accepted my lot and shrugged it off, figuring I’d never be able to get on well with them anyway, and went to look for other friends.

And yet here we are, three years on – better than ever before.

We’ve changed, all three of us, some of us really drastically. I mean if you looked at Briana back in Form 3, you would hardly have imagined that this girl would someday become Vice President of the Choir Club, then run for Prom Queen and come thisclose to winning! And Joanna’s still Joanna, the good old loyal girl who walks in while everyone else walks out. Albeit a lot happier now. (:

And then there’s me. Who used to think that the world owed me a happy ending. And since I still believe in happy endings, I clearly have a long way to go. *grins*

I make it sound like I always expected that we’d end up back together as good friends. I didn’t! But I’ve told you this before – Form 5 at CHS was when most of the animosity culminated in the first few years of high school dissolved. High school life was far too short and sweet to be spent being angry – just like now. You have to make allowances for change, you have to learn to write your grievances in sand, and your happiness in marble. So when Briana called me up to ask if I wanted to celebrate, it just felt so right that all three of us should be hanging out together again.

Maybe there’s something about friends who fight with you because they want the best for you.

Nights like these remind me that the best friends are the ones who’ve seen you at your worst and still want to stick things through with you. They’re the kind of friends who make me want to swallow my philosophy that best friends don’t exist. They’re not the only ones who make me want to do that, mind you.

But this was our night, and I enjoyed it. They’re special… Because they’re the one who reassure me that my one year in a B class was time well spent. *grins* There are some things you can just feel with your gut, and the knowledge that we’ll be friends for a very long time to come is one of them.

So this is for you: Jo and Dan. (: Thank you.

Bad To The Bone;

2010-04-19T15:26:00.001+08:00

I don’t think my last very heated post managed to convey what I was really trying to say. Let me try again.

The point is that you (the members and creators of the hate group) had a chance to right a wrong – something that was wrong in your opinion anyway. You had an obvious problem with the Sportsman, and I’m going to assume it was your right to be at odds with him, and not over something silly like the primary school fights we used to have. You know, like… “I don’t friend him because he damn show-off.” And no, I don’t take mere arrogance as an excuse to warrant a hate group. What you could have done is stand up and ask the school authorities, “Oh what basis was he awarded the title?” (instead of assuming and flaming) and then you could have respectfully pointed out that it is a silly basis to grant the Sportsman award. You could have revolutionized the school system and ensured that more deserving students are awarded the title in the future. You could have dealt with it in a mature, reasonable manner that would have set an example to the rest of the school and made anyone affiliated with you proud.

Instead you created a hate group that is a waste of time, energy, emotions and neurons. You got nothing done. The Sportsman was awarded his title and you did nothing about it, even though it was something you could easiliy have spoken up about. I bet you didn’t even try.

The world is already lacking the type of people who can’t walk the talk. We could do with a few hundred less.

Most sickening of all is that you got the kids from the lower forms to join your hate group as well – kids who probably don’t know half a thing about the Sportsman and had only your own emotional, irrational word for disliking him. It is very likely that they’re just blindly following what the seniors say. Do you realize that in the future this is probably how they are going to be dealing with people they don’t like as well? And you don’t care that you’re turning people against him, you don’t care that you’re causing him to be judged. All you want is to see him disgraced.

How dare you say then, that you are proud of being a CHS-ian?

I’m so tired, and I’m probably typing all of this for nothing. It’s probably not even going to be read by those to whom it matters! But what to do, I’m just someone who really is proud of being a CHS-ian. I don’t like to see that phrase being simply thrown around. Because if you’re not acting in a manner that can make CHS proud of you, I don’t think you have a right to say that you are proud of CHS. Hate groups like this are just so juvenile.

I have become very disillusioned.

Fury Said To A Mouse;

2010-04-17T19:09:00.001+08:00

[all names in the following post have been removed to protect identities where necessary]

I just came back from the Majlis Anugerah Kecemerlangan at CHS this morning. I’m sick, and I’m missing out on Kai Boon and Edrea’s birthday movie outing to rest. But I made the mistake of logging on to Facebook, and I saw something that has made me incredibly pissed off and disillusioned with the high school that I am so proud of. It is making me so disappointed and vexed that I am here, blogging, instead of resting and recuperating from a rough week at college.

This is what happened: I received an invitation to a hate group, and it was directed at a certain CHS-ian (currently Form 5) who has just been made Sportsman of the year. I do not know the Sportsman personally, although I may have bumped into him/her off the track a few times. I do not know most of the members of this hate group either. I imagine that I received the invitation simply because I am still filed under “SMJK Katholik” in my list of networks. The title of the group was completely capitalized, and it exuded pure hostility. I clicked to check out the group, and was shocked at what I read. To say that the members of this group are unhappy that he was awarded Sportsman of 2010 is an egregious understatement.

The group description accuses the Sportsman of 2010 of bootlicking to achieve his award, among other claims that he is completely under-qualified for the title. I have copy-pasted the entire group description here.

i dno wtf he got to make him as olahragawan. NO ONE KNOWS. what i know is taekwondo WTF is his sport that he's so good in. is taekwondo a sport that require a large amount of strength to kick or punch an opponent to the ground? how come i dont see him having a big and strong quadriceps, hamstring, biceps, deltoids and many other part that are so crucial to this sport. last but not least, after knowing that he was announced as olahragawan, he'll go round showing his "handsome" yet lanc face to everyone, as if he is the best sportsman ever produced in this school, to let the whole school know he is the OLAHRAGAWAN OF CHS 2010. even our dearest olahragawati YX who are so fabulous in squash didnt do that. Won’t you feel embarrassed by doing so? Everyone will, except for him. He is such a pain in the ass as he disgusts the title and glory of CHS Olahragawan with his qualifications and capabilities. Isn’t this honor supposed to be given to an epitome of sportsman? He “got” this “title” by bugging teacher every day (personally, I think teachers were fed up with him so just let him be, as other candidates aren’t DESPERATE like him ), unlike people like YX who is destined to be olahragawati with obvious olahragawati-like achievements. To be succinct, he is detestation, abomination, ABHORRENCE!

The grammar of this torrent is appalling, although I do applaud the writer for getting the word “abhorrence” spelt correctly. But it makes me really sad to see that this immature way of dealing with a disagreeable situation is a product of a CHS-ian.

Firstly, what do you intend to achieve by creating a hate group on a social networking site? You get together a bunch of people who all dislike him as much as you do and bitch about him online. Then what? Rally together and get the principal to reverse this decision? In my opinion that could have been done without the hate group at all. Furthermore I think that Facebook groups are rather unnecessary unless they’re for fun. There are plenty of groups that are created for a supposed cause – 100000 People Against ISA, 1000000 Members Against Whaling. Privately, though, I wonder how many of them got anything done upon reaching the desired number of members. My point is that this Facebook group is redundant if you want his Sportsman title revoked. If you really think that the decision is unfair and that there is some other more deserving boy out there, take it to the school administration – in a calm, collected manner, preferably in the form of a letter.

On the point that he is under-qualified, I find the group’s definition of what makes a sportsman rather shallow. Members of this group, allow me to quote you:

is taekwondo a sport that require a large amount of strength to kick or punch an opponent to the ground? how come i dont see him having a big and strong quadriceps, hamstring, biceps, deltoids and many other part that are so crucial to this sport.

Perhaps you’d like to know that the Sportsman of 2009 (whom you can look up in the 2009 yearbook of CHS) did not have “big and strong quadriceps, hamstring, biceps, deltoids”. He was actually quite short and quite skinny. And most of his achievements were not in a sport that would require one to have any of those characteristics which you seem to associate with being a sportsman. If you think that taekwondo is not a sport that sounds worthy of a Sportsman, then the what the Sportsman of 2009 excelled in will sound ridiculous to you: his sport was ping-pong.

And to answer your question, you are apparently ignorant of the fact that taekwondo is a sport that not only requires strength to “kick or punch” but also a whole lot of skill. I never learned taekwondo, but if you watch anyone perform taekwondo or related martial arts, you’ll know that it takes practice to not only drive an opponent to the ground, but also to do it in a manner that doesn’t hurt yourself! They’re not called martial arts for nothing! I find it amusing that you think that taekwondo is just about “kicking and punching”. That’s not taekwondo at all. That’s cat fighting.

The fact is that the Sportspeople are awarded their titles based on the extent of their achievements in the area of sport that they excel in. This means they don’t look at how impressive or physically exerting the sport you chose is. You could have chosen something as obscure as bob-sledding, but if you have worked hard at it and are a star in the arena of bob-sledding, you are qualified for the award. I asked my friend and apparently the Sportsman of 2010 was awarded the title because he had some achievements not only at national level but also at international level taekwondo competitions. Apparently our school thinks that it’s okay for them to have fewer achievements on a a national level (I also heard the Sportsman has no gold medals from national/state level competitions), as long as they have taken part in an international event, they’re qualified for the sports title. If you think that this reasoning is skewed, then this is the point on which you should take it to the school’s admin, not what you said: lack of muscles. Him not having bulging deltoids simply means that he does not fit the stereotype of a sportsperson that you – we – have all formed. Muscles do not a man maketh, and neither do aggressive words and excessive venom.

I’m not kidding by the way. If you sincerely believe that the Sportsman of 2010 is under-qualified for the title, then I whole-heartedly encourage you to take the matter up with the school authorities. It’s too late now that the Majlis Anugerah Kemerlangan is over and he has already been awarded the title. This is what you should have done in the first place, not waste your time creating stupid Facebook groups that do nuts but generate more friction, heat and noise than necessary and do absolutely nothing to solve your grievances. I still encourage you to complain to the administration, albeit calmly and rationally, not obnoxiously as you have done so far. Even if they don’t listen, they’ll know that you tried to right something that you saw as wrong, and that’s far better than remaining silent and not speaking up at all.

But I suspect that the true heart of the matter lies in these phrases here.

last but not least, after knowing that he was announced as olahragawan, he'll go round showing his "handsome" yet lanc face to everyone…

He “got” this “title” by bugging teacher every day (personally, I think teachers were fed up with him so just let him be, as other candidates aren’t DESPERATE like him )

First of all (and I resist the urge to correct and flame the atrocious grammatical mistakes you have made), I am INSULTED that you think that CHS’s teachers can be swayed by the nagging of a mere student. Clearly you have yet to make any kind of trouble with the disciplinary board or any of those on the school administration team. Otherwise you would have seen that people like Miss Margaret hardly bend an inch to your wheedling to get your events approved. What makes you think that they’d give in to someone who’s pleading to be given the title of Sportsman? CHS teachers have quality in terms of discipline and dedication. Our disciplinary system is not legendary only in name!

Also, no matter how huge anyone’s ego is, or how desperate they are, I can’t believe that anyone would stoop so low as to beg to be made Sportsman in the place of someone more worthy of the title. That’s a complete contradiction to your accusation of him having an oversized head.

But I suspect that the problem with the Sportsman is more personal than the creator of the group lets on. Boy you guys should see the comments on the group wall – they get more and more spiteful and venomous.

(SPORTSMAN 2010) CAN EAT OUR SHIT AND LICK OUR SHOES!

LOL maybe he'll change schools after reading this

They’ve even doodled on his pictures using Paint and uploaded them to the group. It’s childish enough to make you wince.

I have little to say about this matter, because I know neither side personally. But I’d like to ask the creator of the group to at least keep your emotions out of this matter. Rationality is a virtue. Not everything that comes out of the Pendidikan Moral textbook is crap, you know. Besides, I think that the Sportsman’s achievements speak for themselves.

(It is rather interesting to note that the admin of this hate group left soon after creating it, leaving the group with no admins at all. The onslaught of spiteful comments still continues though.)

I can see that you’re proud being a student of CHS – you want your Sportsman to be a good representation of school. But the way in which you are dealing with the matter of the poorly-qualified Sportsman isn’t a shining beacon of moral goodness either. In short I am disgusted, I am dismayed, that students who call themselves proud to be part of Catholic High School should simultaneously degrade and defame a fellow student in a manner that is harsh, childish, hasty and uncalled for.

I expected much better.

There was no denying that the Sportswoman was a deserving recipient of her title, though. She stood out by a mile. Well what can I say, girls always tend to outperform boys in high school. (:

If there’s anything I don’t get, it’s the Pelajar Cemerlang of 2009 – I mean, why Zean Shiung of all people?!!! Was there seriously nobody else?! (I actually made myself laugh by exclaiming, “Why did Zean Shiung get Pelajar Cemerlang? I don’t get it!” and then I realized that it sounded like I was asserting that I should have gotten Pelajar Cemerlang.) The school’s reasoning is terribly skewed. But then again I’m saying this because I know Zean Shiung well and it seems pretty much ridiculous that someone like him should get the Pelajar Cemerlang award. But no, I’m not being serious. It’s not big enough a deal for me to go to the school and complain because his list of achievements was exhaustive. QUITE impressive lahh. And I’m not just saying this because he has to take me home after debate practice! He IS a good friend… when he isn’t trying to be a jerk. [Hi Zhaun! :D]

But just imagine what the school admins would say if they found out that their male Pelajar Cemerlang 2009 gets turned on by hot guys at the gym.

*GRINS*

On Cookie Cutters And God.

2010-04-16T17:02:00.001+08:00

I now completely agree with Hock Eu’s view of Pride and Prejudice: it’s just old fashioned chick lit. And you know what I think of chick lit. It’s shallow, repetitive and unimaginative. How well the book is received depends on how well you excite the reader’s hormones – therefore the more PDA the better! Why do you think a crappy novel like Twilight sold so well? Face it, guys. The simple answer is that everyone got turned on by the mushy scenes. Bella and Edward get so unbearable that after a while I felt like throwing the book across the room and screaming, “GET A ROOM!”

The worst part is that I used to be the kind of person who gets glued to a book and can’t put it down once I’ve picked it up, no matter how awful the story and style of writing is, simply because of curiosity - I want to know how it ends. I had the utter misfortune of picking up Twilight during the finals of my Form 4 year. I am I can just about rightly say that Twilight ruined my life. I wasn’t a cat, but curiosity killed me anyway.

I have digressed a little, but it was necessary. I was talking about Pride and Prejudice, and my point is: YES, I am comparing Pride and Prejudice to Twilight. It is almost as crappy! And I have the right to say this because for the last few months I have had P&P forced down my throat by my English Lit lecturer. I can quote from the bleeding novel.

P&P is a story revolving around love and marriage. The story centers on Elizabeth and Jane Bennet and how they find happiness despite being hampered by the pride and prejudice of others and themselves.

Now I can thoroughly appreciate the elaborate and pretty language of the Regency English. But that is the sole point that the novel has over Twilight, and it is not a very strong one. Because pretty language doesn’t do much for you if you have a storyline that is unimaginative and predictable.

Fine, I’ll concede that almost any novel would beat Twilight’s crappy storyline, which feels as if Meyer made it up as she went along. But seriously, there are novels with better twists and turns than those in Pride and Prejudice, and stories with far more interesting settings. One such novel would be Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. A stepfather in love with his prepubescent daughter. Now that’s something different. How can a novel about finding the perfect man compare?

Basically P&P is a good novel with an okay storyline. It was probably a bestseller in its time. But I criticize those who call Jane Austen “one of the literary giants of the English Language” and her novel P&P “one of her best works”. It certainly does not deserve its place as one of the best-selling works in our time.

I can study P&P, don’t get me wrong. I am completely fine with having to study it for my A-Levels. But I will scream if I hear any of you say one more time that “P&P is soooo awesome!!!” or gush over how romantic Darcy is. He is so not. And I am heartily bored of Elizabeth. She and Darcy are too Mary-Sue for my liking. I’ve told my Lit class this before, but my favourite characters in the novel are Mr. Collins and Mrs. Bennet. They’re different, they’re stupid and they’re utterly comical. They’re the breath of fresh air in an otherwise cookie-cutter cast of characters. I’ll support them to the end of Unit 1!

Fellow Lit students, you heard me.

But on my earlier point on what determines how well a book does, it makes me wonder if there really are any good books out there. I am wary of books that have a “hype” attached to them, because they tend to disappoint. The point is that a book that pleases the masses cannot be all that satisfactory to the enquiring mind. Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini disappointed, and I have yet to read A Thousand Splendid Suns but I have the feeling that it won’t be anything to rave about either. It is disappointing how many books there are out on the market that have made their way to the bestseller’s list by playing on emotions, and really have little or no depth to them; the prime example of this would be Twilight.

This is why I stopped reading all fiction except for Diana Wynne Jones, whose children’s stories are so lighthearted and so different and original that I can’t help but laugh, quixotic as they are. I take solace in books that are more factual or contemplative, books that show me that the author was sincere in penning his/her thoughts on a certain view. Most works of fiction fail to fit into this category. Let me give you an example using the book I’m reading right now: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. I think Dawkins does a really poor job of explaining away the many reasons for God’s existence; to use Peter Heng’s analogy, using science to counter religion is like using a thermometer to measure current – it’s an incompatible method of reasoning. For much of the book, Dawkins sounds more like a furious, indignant, arrogant child ranting on and on about all the reasons he’s right, and not at all like a calm, reasonable philosopher. Despite this, I can still enjoy reading The God Delusion because the man was sincere: he truly does have an issue with religion and he believes everyone should know what he does too.

And while I’m still on this tangent, would all of you atheists please stop touting The God Delusion as a reason for the rest of the world to drop our crucifixes and bibles. Explain away God in a manner that sounds reasonable and intelligent, and in a way that shows that you have taken our side of beliefs into account, but don’t give me any arguments from Dawkins. If Dawkins is all you have, then it’s not much of an argument at all.

And now, back to the point, on books:

I don’t think I have one! I just wanted to rant about how overrated some books are and how terribly difficult it is to find good ones on the market nowadays, because any idiot can write. And I got started on the topic of books because I have RM55 worth of MPH book vouchers. They’re a combination of the vouchers I got as a reward for my service to the Ed Board and Christmas presents from my neighbor. The point is, they expire TOMORROW. And I have NO IDEA WHAT TO BUY! T.T

Suggestions, dear readers?

& I’ve Always Wanted To Do This;

2010-04-13T23:58:00.001+08:00

OMG. It’s even the right colours. :DD HAHAHA

I thank God and my parents for my life so far.

I thank the friends who wished me and SPECIAL thanks to Lit B for the cake. :D

And I thank goodness that I made it this far!!!

Now if only I could get through the next hundred years as easily. *grins*

I’m 18 years old! And so many people have told me that it’s now okay for me to go out and get wasted. But you know WHAT?

Yay for being grown up. *grins*

An Empty Stage.

2010-04-12T23:45:00.001+08:00

When I was 3 years old, I used to think that I’d never grow up. Either it’d never happen and I’d remain in my play world forever, or I’d just wake up one morning and I’d be 18.

Funny to think that that’s what’s going to happen tonight. I’m going to go to sleep. And when I wake up, I’ll be eighteen years old.

Good night, world. (:

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!

2010-04-12T19:21:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, I…

Went to church and stayed in the parish office library.
Studied Econs there and finished all my Econs homework.
Went shopping with my dad and spent a lot of money in Cotton On. HEHEHE :D
Painted my nails.
Cleaned out my wardrobe.
Made agar-agar in the shape of a fish.

(My mom made me. Come on lah Ma, did you reaaaaally have to remind me? T.T)

Made pancakes without the pan!
Found out that the agar-agar was absolutely TASTELESS, and came up with a fantastic new dessert in all of 2 seconds flat. *grins*
Broke a plate.
Made love to Organic Chemistry.

Am I awesome or am I awesome? *grins*

As for today, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the awesome-est boss/ray of sunshine/“nose-picker”/friend LILY FOONG! :D

I have a song for you! And here’s how it goes.

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day away!

Take a hint, people.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE :D

The Way You Move Ain’t Fair, You Know;

2010-04-05T23:06:00.001+08:00

I would like to clarify something. Today’s 6-minute speech was not a one-off thing.

I DON’T NORMALLY MAKE 4.15 MINUTE

SPEECHES.

T.T

Ask Carmen and Rachel! The only time I make short speeches is when I don’t know anything about the topic! And I promised myself that that’s NOT going to happen anymore.

And just when I got used to blogging regularly again, my cousin’s back. –.-

& It’s Beating To The Rhythm Of My Own Plans;

2010-04-04T17:18:00.001+08:00

This Post Is A Hodgepodge Post.

1. Truth be told, Pride and Prejudice is utterly boring. Hock Eu got it right when he called it old-fashioned chick lit. I like Elizabeth, but you can get tired of perfect, feisty characters. The less said about Jane the better. Mr Darcy is boring. YES NICOLE WONG YOU READ ME RIGHT. Darcy is boring!!! The only one I really like in the whole novel is Mr Collins. He’s comic relief. Well, him and Mrs. Bennet. *grins* I particularly like the scene in which Mr Collins proposes to Elizabeth. He’s so full of himself. Reminds me of some people I know. (;

Oh well, at least P&P is only for one term.

2. Google Chrome is the BOMB. If you’ve ever tried it, you’ll know that it’s display is so much prettier than I.E. or Mozilla. But one of the best things about Chrome (for me) is the extensions that come with it. Like this extension called Google Dictionary. I can check definitions of certain words as easily as this:

But my FAVOURITE extension is this one.

It blocks certain sites so that you don’t spend an unnecessary amount of time on them.

And after your allocated time is up, if you try to access any of the sites you blocked, this is all you get:

GOOGLE CHROME IS A GODSEND. The creator of this extension should be nominated for sainthood, awarded the Nobel Prize, be granted amnesty for life and be knighted by the Queen!! I almost cried when I attached it to Facebook and all blogspot sites, but I was only disciplining myself. It’s the reason I’m feeling so optimistic about tomorrow’s English Lit presentation! :D

Take that, Procrastination!

The loophole is that I can just open the other web browser I have – Mozilla Firefox – and continue browsing all my blocked sites. But I’m too used to Chrome already, and all my bookmarks and passwords are saved in Chrome. So it looks like this self-imposed curfew is here to stay.

Oh well. (: if when I make it to Oxbridge/The Ivy League I’ll look back on this and be eternally thankful. And when I’ve got my first credit card then I’ll make that $10 donation. *grins*

Speaking about Ivy Leagues…

3. I made a complete fool out of myself. Ezreena knows what I’m talking about. But what on earth was I supposed to do?! I hardly even knew the guy! [i.i] Basically my pride and prejudice towards someone I hardly knew has just succeeded in dunking me in a really really really awkward situation. Ask me about it and I’ll tell you, I promise I will, and it’s funny (albeit at my expense!) but not here. Not on the blog. It’s mortifying!!!

Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to diss P&P after all.

4. Justin Choong is this pokey beanstalk who’s been haunting me since Standard 1 (same class for 4 years back then). Same primary school, secondary school and college. He runs so fast that he leaves the other contestants behind in clouds of dust. And he looks like Fido Dido. You know?

Yeah he looks like that. (: Anyway Justin wants his birthday post. So, happy belated birthday! :D

The thing is… I don’t even remember when his birthday is. I just know it’s late. Heh. Sorry boss. *grins*

She Wakes Me Up, She Breaks Me Down;

2010-04-03T21:13:00.001+08:00

We The Kings – She Takes Me High

I hate it when I feel like blogging, but I absolutely lack the inspiration. This is ridiculous. In the beginning of the year I found myself so overflowing with thoughts that I couldn’t blog about anything random, and all my posts were long long ones.

Now it’s been ages since I did a long long post, and the last few posts on my blog are all categorized under Random-ia.

And I have to say, I miss being read! ):

***

Here’s another thought I had. Some time ago, Lily gave me the chance to peek into the HELP Residency. I needed to change into formal clothes after college for the HELPMUN Conference. Honestly? It was pokey and boring and the tap wouldn’t work. I spent a good minute wrestling with it but it refused to turn. I got annoyed. Then I remembered that Lily had said in one of her blog posts (I think) that it turned the other way. I was thinking, “Hah! It pays to read your friend’s blogs!” So I flipped it the other way…

… And the tap promptly exploded water, showering me and my formal outfit. I was so shocked that I just stood and stared at my wet clothes.

I could sue that tap for assault and splattery!!!

But honestly?

I liked the Residency.

I can work with people, but most times I think I like working on my own. People are fun, but I’m most efficient when fly solo, because that’s when I know everything that’s going on. It’s not so hard to coordinate myself.

Which is why I really think that I’d get more work done if I was independent and forced to think for myself. Here and in this house, I hardly have to do anything. I feel like a pampered little pasha. I only have to clear my room up once a week, and I do the dishes after meals. But the bulk of the housework – the cooking, the gardening, the laundry – is seen to by the maid.

Basically, I don’t have to think. And that’s probably why I’m so inefficient at home: I just don’t think.

Living away from home would actually make me a lot more aware of what needs to be done and thereby force myself to get off my butt and get those things crossed off the TO DO list. Studies have shown that kids who help with the housework do better at school. There’s a sense of responsibility that comes with being on your own two feet. The thought is forced into your head: I’m on my own now. If I lived away from home, I would actually be a whole lot more disciplined than I am now. I mean I’d have to handle all my own laundry and manage my money properly, among other things. It’s not that I don’t know how to! I conquered the mean washing machine monster when I was in Form 2! But I don’t have to think about it on a daily basis. Hence the idleness of mind.

Ironic, isn’t it? That I’d get more done if I was on my own than otherwise?

But it’s way too late to start applying to KTJ and my parents would give me that funny look if I announced that I wanted to move out of the house on my eighteenth birthday (“dear, your girl’s acting up again!”).

Then again, I suppose this is a hard clear message to myself to STOP BEING SO LAZY AND HELP WITH THE HOUSEWORK MORE!!

Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

And now I have to go and get ready for church. It’s the Easter Vigil and it’s going to end at 3am in the morning! Holy Week is going to knock my sleeping cycles bang outta whack.

Come On Girl, Do Your Thang!

2010-04-02T14:28:00.001+08:00

HI EVERYBODY!

GUESS WHAT?

APRIL’S HERE!

8DDD

It’s only the most awesome month of the year. (;

By the way, happy birthday Anselm Chan! Have fun studying in Nothing But Ham! But not more fun than you would have if you were studying at HELP.

This post will be edited if I feel like it. But since my cousin’s away for the next week so I guess I better take what advantage I can of the absence of disparaging comments and blog as ridiculously as I feel!

Will you?

2010-04-01T23:21:00.001+08:00

I found this incredibly cute. (:

I Yabba-Dabba-Do! Couple tie the knot in Flintstones-themed wedding

By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
Last updated at 8:35 PM on 31st March 2010

Comments (22)
Add to My Stories

As weddings go, it was quite a yabba dabba do. . . Not only did the happy couple dress up as Fred Flintstone and wife Wilma, but all the guests went as characters from the much-loved caveman cartoon too.
Groom Ed Robinson, a 34-year-old fireman, wore Fred's orange and black furs and a black wig, while bride Gayle Watson was in traditional white - albeit a one-shouldered Wilma-style number teamed with a mockrock necklace and a vivid orange beehive.
The best man and maid of honour transformed into Barney and Betty Rubble, while the bridesmaid and page boy were Pebbles and Bam Bam.

The wedding: Ed and Gayle on their Flintstone wedding in Combe Martin, North Devon, with their guests who dressed up as Flintstone characters and cavemen
There was even a Flintstones car created for the occasion and an inflatable giraffe filling in for family pet Dino.
Mr Robinson and his 29-year-old bride said 'Yabba dabba, I do' in front a registrar at a theatre in Ilfracombe, Devon, before the Flintstones theme played as they signed the register.
The reception was near the seafront in their home village of Combe Martin.
Mrs Robinson said: 'The Flintstones idea made sense because we both love fancy dress and where we live in Combe Martin the scenery looks very prehistoric.'

Cartoon nuptials: Ed Robinson and Gayle Watson dressed up as Fred and Wilma Flintstone for their wedding
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1262491/Couple-tie-knot-Flintstones-themed-wedding.html#ixzz0jrW9aui3

Chun or not? :D I’d want my wedding to be just as crazy! Maybe have everyone dress up as superheroes and bring lightsabers! On any other occasion I’d tell you exactly what I want to be done at the reception but I’m too sleepy and the BACKSPACE KEY IS NOT WORKING OMG. –.- This just thoroughly annoys me. This laptop is falling apart! So good night!

I’ll Be Love Suicide;

2010-03-28T17:00:00.001+08:00

HOLA FROM CHILE!

This delegate is not dead yet! And is proud to state that she SURVIVED HELPMUNC! Despite her internet getting busted the day before HELPMUNC. Can you imagine what it’s like to feel stupid, desperate and helpless?

This delegate is also proud to announce that on Saturday she went up to the podium to make a speech and her script was a blank piece of paper. Her first ever completely impromptu speech. *grins* It sucked, but hey at least this delegate had the guts to go up and defend the already failing resolution. She should totally have won Most Gutsy New Delegate.

This delegate also never realized that a laptop was a necessity for a college student. She plans on switching to the Security Council and using her veto power to demand one from her dad.

This delegate is also getting rather pissed off with this keyboard because the backspace key is jammed. –.-

This delegate is incredibly tired. She has been going to college from 7am-7pm every day since Tuesday and is about to do the same tomorrow! Worse than running marathons I tell you. VAAA D:

But above all, this delegate would like to thank the SGs for making HELPMUNC fun and an awesome learning experience, and for the delegates of Bangladesh, Mexico and the Republic of Korea (all from HRC) for making her day, particularly the delegate of Korea. He shall forever be associated with legalization of prostitution and disbanding of the UN.

This delegate had fun, and will possibly come back for a few more MUNCs, but is of the opinion that Debate still rules. (:

And this delegate has to try and stop talking in 3rd person.

I YOU I YOU I YOU I YOU I YOU I YOU I YOU I YOU I YOU ME WE EVERYBODY!

That feels good. :]

Now When She Does It Like This, Will You Do It Like That?

2010-03-23T00:00:00.002+08:00

Today is a very special day.

First off I want to tell you about Kimberley. She was our 5S7 classmate, Rumah Kuning captain, Band President, drummer girl and an awesome possum frisbee player. And she has beautiful legs. Her legs are so nice and smooth, it’s not even fair! (i.i)

If you’ve never met Kimberley, dear readers I give you the photo that BEST sums up the person she is. THIS is Kimberley:

No, not the retard on the left. That’s Jian Kai. The crazy lady on the right is Kimberley. A picture says a thousand words.

And for the record, THIS is also Jian Kai.

But that’s an inside joke and a long story which you can read about here.

And today is a very special day! Why? Because…

AS OF TODAY, KIMBERLEY WONG IS ALLOWED TO MARRY LEE JIAN KAI!!!

They’re both 18 now, after all. *grins*

(Did I detect a faint scream of horror? It sounded remarkably like Jian Kai.)

KIMBERLEY! :D

I’ve always wanted to ride on a kangaroo. You think you can run faster than a kangaroo can jump?? Just wondering.
From all of us, we hope you’re having fun in Aussieland! I miss 5S7 but gatherings just aren’t gonna be the same without you (i.i) and we need you here. HOW ELSE ARE WE GONNA KEEP JIAN KAI AWAY?!

HEHEHE :D

HAVE A SMASHING 18TH :D

This Is For You.

2010-03-21T01:15:00.001+08:00

Because you seriously underestimate yourself. I believed in you, and I still do. There are many reasons as to why I chose you, you know. Everyone has to fail at some point in their lives. But I’d like you to remember the words of Adam Osborne:

“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake - you can’t learn anything from being perfect.”

I really, really love thingsweforget! Reading through their posts makes me feel hopeful, optimistic and tough inside. It makes me feel like jumping up and doing things without caring if I fail or not. It’s like drinking a cup of coffee. You get a huge energy boost from drinking coffee. Only coffee always gives me huge headaches, so thingsweforget it is.

HELPMUNC is next week, and I’m the delegate of Chile.

Did you know that Chile is the world’s 5th largest exporter of wine, the largest producer of copper and hosts the most important music festival in Latin America – The Vina del Mar International Song Festival? Chile also ranks 44/182 on the Human Development Index, 25/180 on the Corruption Perceptions Index and 47/143 on the Happy Planet Index. *grins* The national animals of Chile are the condor and the huemul (a type of deer), both of which are endangered animals. Pablo Neruda, who won the 1971 Nobel Prize for Literature, was Chilean. SPM Lit students, you can find the translation of a Pablo Neruda poem in your Poems and Short Stories (6th cycle) under the theme of relationships – Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines.

Tonight I Can Write by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Take time to read it, it’s so touching. Chile is awesome! And I bet that before Feb 27th 2010, you never even thought about Chile. HAH. :D

And now to figure out how to swear in Spanish. Anybody want to teach me? *grins*

I Guess It’s Half Timing And The Other Half’s Luck.

2010-03-17T20:22:00.001+08:00

Hi everybody. Within this month, my wallet has gone missing AND the zip of my trusty pencil case broke. I have had to revert to an old wallet that’s way too small for all my paraphernalia, and my current pencil case is a Kinokuniya plastic bag. I discovered that I prefer scarves and shawls over jackets and cardigans; and they’re cheaper too. I have run out of cute colourful magnets to hold all the notices up on my whiteboard. I really really really like jellybeans and I have not had any for more than a year. On top of that, in addition to meat I am also abstaining from chocolates for the season of Lent; my family has taken advantage of that fact and eaten all the chocolates my friend bought from London (!!) and left nothing for me (!!!!).

My birthday is next month.

I’m just saying. (;

Between Heaven And Hell, In Defense Of Our Dreams.

2010-03-15T20:37:00.001+08:00

Man is never satisfied. I am never satisfied.

A Louise-byte: I like being busy. I like feeling that I’m doing something, getting something worthwhile done. I love the sense of accomplishment when I cross something off my to-do list, even if it’s just a phone call or something to pick up from the grocery store. (Somehow this never applies to homework!) I blame it on fear: fear that I would lose my chance to gain an edge over the rest of the thousands of applicants vying for places in universities; fear of losing out, fear of being left out; fear that I’m going to lose my competitive edge. I fear idleness and not having anything to do. I dread not being able to work towards anything short-term. I live on deadlines.

And yet it’s at times like tonight when I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and doing exactly what I feel like doing: blogging, sleeping, downloading music, Facebook-ing and catching up on all my reading. But nooo, I’m stuck here writing a review for Malaysian Studies, an email for WWF and researching Chile. (Actually, I kinda have been doing a lot of what I feel like doing, which partly explains my situation tonight.)(Only PARTLY, may I add!!) What makes it even more frustrating is that my printer died on us a month ago and so I have to figure out how to get all my stuff printed by their respective deadlines.

A quick digression: my house is currently a technological void. There are 4 computers in the house and 2 of them don’t work. One is my dad’s laptop, and it is the only one that functions perfectly. He usually brings it to work though. This one, the one I am currently blogging on, has no sound system and is so riddled with viruses that pendrives visibly cringe away from the USB port! We have a TV but we do not subscribe to Astro. As said before, the printer does not work. On top of everything, none of the 5 cameras in the house work either.

I feel I am perfectly justified in swearing.

#$%^%@##!!!!! ):<

So I’m stuck here with writer’s block, struggling to come up with something more than a little creative for the Malaysian Studies scrapbook which is due this Thursday and worrying about the impending Moral Studies quiz on Wednesday, the textbook of which I have not managed to buy. (Screw you Unknown UOA Stationery Shop for losing your copy of the book!) I think about the A-Levels mocks coming up at the end of next month. I think about the pile of Maths and Literature assignments waiting for me and calmly, resolutely turn my back on them, reminding myself that I asked to be here tonight. I will try to be satisfied with my lot. This was what I wanted and asked for.

It’s going to be a long night.

Note: The note attached to the lemon in the picture says PUCKER UP.

***edit***

Just had inspiration for the Malaysian Studies project and wrote a very LOL Rotiman review. I don’t feel so bad now! (:

I Found Out There’s No Such Thing As A Miracle.

2010-03-11T22:00:00.001+08:00

I disagree with most of you. The SPM results do matter to me. Not because I needed scholarships really badly, but because I am a true-blue CHS-ian: I just really really wanted to know how I did! Like any other exam. Yup, kiasu to the core, c’est moi.

The results were much better than I expected, but no where near as good as I hoped. My results aren’t as awesome as SOME OTHER PEOPLE’S *coughSHENWENKOEYEETHOCKEUDAVIDLILYSHENGHOAYZEANSHIUNGcough* – in fact they’re mediocre, by comparison - but I feel satisfied. Especially where Chinese is concerned! My Chinese tuition teacher was awesome. He knew all along that I could never be persuaded to like Chinese. I was just too lazy to work at it. And yet he continued to push me as hard as I could be persuaded to go. Do you remember this? I expected a D for Chinese.

I got a B+.

As of today, I have never been so glad and so proud: for being Chinese; and of myself, for sticking all the way through with a subject I absolutely detested. Honestly, the uncontested best part of my results slip is the tiny little B+ at the end of the list. Looking at it gives me a huge feeling of accomplishment that I never expected I would ever feel. I suppose I have the school board to thank for making Chinese compulsory for all CHS-ians. There’s really no words to describe the feeling of triumphing over something I was forced into doing and detested all the way.

As for the other subjects, I’m so glad that I managed to make my tuition teachers proud – all of whom I love to bits. I doubt they read my blog, but thank you – Sham (Add Maths & Physics), Mr Lee (Chinese!!!), Mumthaz (BM), Mrs Wong & Kalai (Chemistry).

And thank You. No matter what people say about You, thank You.

I now have a new tool to bargain with my parents! >:D

A BIG shoutout to all CHS-ians:

CONGRATULATIONS!

We totally rocked the SPM!

I’m so proud of us. (:

Lily says that to some extent the results reflect the amount of effort you put in for each subject. I agree with regards to Sejarah because I honestly did not work hard enough to deserve a grade I’d be happy with. But I disagree with regards to BM!! I got an A- for my BM paper. I do not think this is at all fair, because I wrote really well. When you write well, you just KNOW IT. I wrote well enough for an A at least. I totally blame ikan agar-agar!!

I will NEVER be able to look at a plate of jelly the same way ever again. T.T

& Say Hello To The End Of The World!

2010-03-10T19:33:00.001+08:00

‘Tis the night before the SPM results are released. And the only thing on my mind is this.

WHY GOD WHY.

T.T

At Long Last.

2010-03-09T22:07:00.001+08:00

I had my very first driving lesson today. I think I scared the instructor spitless because he only did 2 hours with me and then told me that I had done great and I didn’t need to practice anymore! And then he left me hanging around SDC for an hour.

But that’s not the point of this update. The point is, when my dad picked me up immediately after the session, he looked at me and said…

“Is your hair naturally brown, or have you dyed it?”

-_________________- OMG. FINALLY.

Took you long enough!!!

“Spot The Rainbow!”

2010-03-09T17:31:00.001+08:00

I spent 4 days, 3 nights at the 2nd Malaysia Debate Open in Melaka, an international competition attended by 76 teams from all over the world like Botswana, India, Qatar, Macau, Singapore and Indonesia. I got to know many of those debaters/adjudicators from other countries. I got to shake hands with some of the biggest and most heard-of names in the debating scene, and was completely overwhelmed by the sheer talent and brainpower around me. I survived hanging around with not much besides 3 crazy ~~gays~~ guys for company for the duration of the competition! I adjudicated for the first time. I watched one epic debate and one bad debate. [It was so bad that I started drawing on my paper instead of taking notes. After that bad debate, one of the speakers came up and shook my hand and said “Thank you, I know you’re tired lah.” because he had seen me resting my head on the desk, and smiled condescendingly at me. I had to bite my lip to stop laughing because I hadn’t been tired. I had been bored!!!] I almost broke my wrist while bowling…

And the only picture I took during the whole trip was THIS:

*grins* Bromance.

HI SHAUN! And congratulations on having officially gone through NS and come out of it alive! :D

Today Was A Hairy Tale. (:

2010-03-03T20:57:00.001+08:00

Emotional turbulence can do weird things to my appearance. The last time I had a break up (and it was a long long time ago), I went and got my second piercing.

The story is, on Monday I went and dyed my hair. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to do it. I don’t really know why I did it; and up till now the only real reason I can give (without having to go into the boring rubric of my personal life) is: I just felt like it. REALLY LAH. I did. It was one of those random spontaneous snap decisions. I was staring in the mirror, hating my plain black hair (yeah, I know, vanity. Shut up.) and wanting to do something about it. All I had to do was call up the hairdresser a day before and then, poof! ~~It became Koko Krunch!~~ I was a brunette! … Of sorts. The bottle said it was auburn (which is an awesome colour!), but it looks mostly light brown.

The funny thing is, my parents don’t seem to have noticed. Either that, or they’re really good actors. And it’s getting me worried. I mean, I have just been sitting down to dinner with them with a light shining on me, making my hair sparkle, and they didn’t say ANYTHING. I’m really starting to suspect that they’re feigning ignorance. I mean, I can just see them thinking, HEHEHE let’s see how long till she breaks down and confesses. And I swear, I might do that soon. It’s reverse psychology torture.

Not that they’re against the colouring of my own scalp, or they think I should love myself the way God made me – it’s the impact on the environment that they really mind. –.-“

But what to do? Henna won’t show up on my dark hair. Sorry lah Ma! Makeovers are your crazy daughter’s way of dealing with stress. And since I can’t shop during Lent, the only other choice I had was suicide by pill overdose. Do you see?

*insert angelic smile + puppy eyes*

Only one thing: my hair’s a couple of shades lighter than I intended it to be.

This picture, taken in the back of Jenani’s car, doesn’t look so bad. It looks the way I wanted it to. BUT, this was taken in dim light, with a lousy phone camera.

In good proper lighting, I look almost BLONDE.

OMG. Can you imagine what Miss Caroline’s going to say about it?!

And one more thing I didn’t realize before I went rushing around to dye my hair: the weird unnatural-looking colour clashes with most T-shirts I wear. ):

Lesson learnt: I was almost going to say no more random spontaneous snap decisions regarding my appearance. But I decided I can’t guarantee that. Because those decisions have an unbelievably therapeutic effect. *grins* So,

Lesson learnt: No matter what her sentiments towards the colour are, Louise is NOT destined for yellow hair (blonde-ness).

Next time, she’ll go red! :D

Honestly

2010-03-02T18:18:00.001+08:00

I’m missing the days where I could whip up a post spontaneously and still make it good for people to read. Good things have happened, but nothing extraordinary. I could complain and rant about something in an exaggerated and dramatic fashion, but besides the fact that I have nothing much to complain about, I hardly complain to anyone anymore. Somewhere along the road from high school to college, I lost a lot of my personable-ness and became a whole lot more private. Whenever I do have something to complain about, I hold back. I would rather let the problem sort itself out than have my friends share the weight of the problem with me. I would rather hold my tongue than risk being told that my problem was so minute and that I’m being superficial, worrying about it. I would rather bottle up than have my problem brushed aside like a fly on the wall. It’s got to the point where I no longer know if a problem is really a problem, or a fly on the wall.

Did I just emotionally become a lot tougher, or a lot weaker?

I still can’t decide.

I am not being emo! I had a perfectly good day, for the record! It’s just that this is something about myself that I’ve only just discovered. Aren’t you flattered that I’m telling you? (:

Music is what feelings sound like.

2010-02-27T16:58:00.001+08:00

I think Disney gets a really bad rep. People tend to switch off the moment anything from HSM or Camp Rock is seen or heard. “Ughhhh, I hate HSM!”

Okay sure, fine, so most of the storylines are incredibly cheesy and unrealistic. Disney can be accused of making young children believe in unrealistic happy endings.

But SERIOUSLY LAH. How many people do you know are truly so gullible as to believe that everything will work out perfectly like in the cartoons? Complete with a prince charming and a dead villain? Even my kid cousin knows it’s unrealistic. Don’t shoot people down for believing in happy endings, because optimism is overrated but completely necessary for our mental wellbeing. In any case, how most of us are smart enough to imagine a happy ending within the limits of reason, a happy ending we can work for. (Friends, please don’t prove me wrong on that point. Lol.)

Whether or not belief in happy endings is something good is a debatable issue, so I’m going to leave it at that. But what troubles me is that we have not only stopped watching the movies but also the songs as well. I get my friends groaning over HSM and Camp Rock songs whenever they come on over the speaker.

Somewhere along our hurry to shed our childhood and be viewed as people with mature tastes, we also lost the ability to appreciate Disney for what it also is: a producer of good music.

I have no problems in admitting that I love listening to Demi Lovato’s Camp Rock tunes and Disney music from the days of The Little Mermaid. Disney’s cheesy, but it’s not one of the biggest sources of the world’s entertainment for nothing. Their shows have quality lah!

Actually I just had to tell you about this, because the song Prince Ali from Aladdin is maddeningly stuck in my head. I feel the urge to play it whenever I walk into a room.

“PRINCE ALI! AMOROUS HE! ALI ABABWA!”

-___________________________-“

This post is so chinchai! But let me assure you, IT IS NOT MY FAULT. I actually wanted to blog about the conversation I had on msn last night with Zean Shiung about accommodation at MDO! But I couldn’t. Because while he was being so funny, posting the conversation up is going to get a lot of important people pissed off with us. Or specifically, him. (Sadly, none of them are politicians, but still.)

This is all your fault, Zhaun! All the clean bits make no sense if I leave the censored bits out! ):

What a waste of good blogging material. Pfffffft

The story’s far from finished;

2010-02-26T21:06:00.001+08:00

Damn! Now I remembered what I wanted to say last night with reference to the previous post.

“You can never truly be free if you admire someone too much.”

I don’t know who said it, but he was one smart guy.

***

Today, I went to the bank wearing a t-shirt with the Flash on in. While talking to the teller, I see a man with a Superman shirt soon walk in after. Minutes later a man with a Batman shirt walks in. We all high-fived. MLIA

Today, I realized that I have a LOT of intelligent/nerdy friends. I didn't know why, so I made a flow chart to help me understand... question answered. MLIA.

Today my dad asked me where I got my cool pencil. When I told him I stole it from my stepfather, he was so proud he bought me a box of donuts. MLIA

Today, I just realized I was dancing in front of the huge living room window. I was using it as a mirror. Those on the outside were using it as a window. MLIA

Today, during an engineering class, my team was having trouble with the rocket boosters on a test launch. My teacher then said, "Come on guys! This isn't rocket science!" MLIA

This is for you.

2010-02-26T01:36:00.001+08:00

Because NuffNang tells me that you’re the most frequent visitor to my blog. No one visits my site as much as you do. I’m not scared, I’m not freaked out. I’m not going to call you a stalker and defame you. But I’m not flattered either. I don’t feel overly gratified that someone, one person at least, finds me interesting. It’s just that it feels surreal, the fact that a person as ordinary as I am could ever inspire anyone so much, when there are so many people out there who have achieved so much more than I have and think so differently from the rest of us. In my opinion, they are far more inspiring than I could ever be.

It’s funny because I spent part of the day believing that I was being looked down on and feeling like the bottom of someone’s shoe. And then I come home to the realization that to some people, strangers even, I mean a lot more.

But I digress. Thank you for letting me know that my words and actions have influenced at least one person in some way. If you really want to know, I see the person I used to be in you. And I’m sorry, because the few times I actually had contact with you, I did not do much to help you believe in your capabilities. In fact, I may have directly contributed to your lack of self-esteem. That alone should prove that I’m not all that much worth looking up to. Knowing that you read my blog makes me feel incredibly guilty, and gives me the feeling that I need to make up for putting you down. So here’s what I think you should know.

This is a year too late, but don’t let setbacks get in your way. I know I talk much, seeing as I put you down once. But I have faced as many setbacks as you have, believe me. Everyone has. It’s the way they deal with their setbacks, no matter how harsh, that makes all the difference. JK Rowling said in her address to the Harvard Alumni Association in June 2008:

“Some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way.”

Be proud of where you failed. Know that you actually tried. (I should eat my own advice, but whatever!) Know that with a healthy dose of confidence and a smattering of luck, you’re not far from being where you want to be. What I’m saying is terribly clichéd, but clichés are clichés for a reason.

And another thing you should remember: the grass only looks greener on the other side.

Now stop wallowing in self-pity. Get out there and show the world what you can be.

Yes, this post really is directed at one specific person. S/he knows who s/he is. (: And I’m sorry if this post makes no sense, but I’m sleepy. Next time I feel like motivating somebody, I won’t do it at 2am in the morning.

I plan to bake something tomorrow. 3-day weekend, HERE I COME! :D

PS: Please don’t let this deter you from reading any further! My blog stats dropping like cow only.

AM I BRIGHT ENOUGH TO SHINE IN YOUR SPACES?

2010-02-23T20:52:00.001+08:00

Almost one week ago I went vegetarian for Lent. Pescetarian to be exact, but I’m lazy to explain myself to those who don’t know what that is. Being vegetarian makes me feel awesome! I never feel completely full, but that means I never feel bloated. I always feel comfortably right. But, obscene as this sounds, I miss the taste of meat. :X

There was something bugging me. Had been bugging me for a while, actually. But with all the things that have happened today, it doesn’t feel like much of a problem anymore. Besides, Pei She said it so much better than I could ever have put it.

On a random note, to the Ed Boarders, did you know that I used the pens you gave me last year to write with during National Novice? And I’m using them during college too. I’m the only one in class who uses an orange pen to write chemical equations in chemistry. My notes are so awesomely pretty that I actually feel like studying them!

I know how completely disjuncted this post is, but I feel disjuncted. Though I suppose disjunction is no excuse for lousy blogging. ):

On another completely random note, congratulations Peter Heng on getting accepted into UCL!! And also to Ian for getting into Cambridge, but that’s old news. Besides the fact that the feat itself is utterly amazing and totally worth congratulating publicly, I’m also trying to avoid making a certain someone jealous by mentioning Peter exclusively. *grins*

Being unattached to anyone is awesome. I can tease everyone and not get teased back.

>:D

& I DON’T KNOW HOW IT GETS BETTER THAN THIS;

2010-02-21T19:17:00.001+08:00

xx August 2007

Debated for the first time. Lost the 2nd round. I remember thinking about joining debate the following year but I never got round to it.

26 January 2010

Attended a debate workshop hosted by Omar Salahuddin.

A few days later

Ian calls and asks if I want to take Yu Li’s place in an upcoming debate competition. I agreed.

12 February 2010, Thursday

Printed out a debate handbook by Simon Quinn. Started reading it. Took it to Penang with me. Brought it with me on my angpow-collecting rounds. Did nothing else but read it the whole time.

16 February 2010, Tuesday

Finished the debate handbook.

17 February 2010, Wednesday

Met up with the HELP and CHS debaters. Met my team mates for the competition, Carmen Chua and Rachel Gan. I was to debate as a high schooler. Debated for the first time since Form 3 on two motions:

THW Allow Iran To Enrich its Uranium (OPP)
THW Legalize Prostitution (GOV)

18 February 2010, Thursday

My second ever debate practice at Ian’s place. Debated one round on the motion:

THW Ban Any Schemes Intended To Cure Homosexuals (OPP)

19 February 2010, Friday – National Novice Debate Competition @ UiTM, Shah Alam

Round 1: THBT Elite Schools Are A Mistake
GOV: MMU Cyberjaya 2 / OPP: CHS 1
Verdict: CHS 1

Round 2: THBT Politicians Do Not Have A Right To Privacy
GOV: CHS 1 / OPP: UTM 2
Verdict: CHS 1

Round 3: THW Ban Tobacco and Alcohol Companies From Sponsoring Sporting Teams and Events
GOV: CHS 1 / OPP: UT MARA 1
Verdict: UT MARA 1

20 February 2010, Saturday – Competition continues

Round 4: THBT Life Is Sacred But You Can End It If It’s Yours
GOV: CHS 1 / OPP: UKM
Verdict: UKM

Round 5: THW Allow Airlines To Charge Passengers Based On Their Weight
GOV: INTEK 4 / OPP: CHS 1
Verdict: INTEC 4

**I fucked up, but it wasn’t my fault! The government totally squirreled the motion.

Round 6: THW Legalize Prostitution (!!!!)
GOV: CHS 1 / OPP: UCTI Zeus
Verdict: Silent round, but I think we won. (:

***update 24/2/2010: we did!***

Total: 3 wins out of 6.

Anyway, this is to explain where I’ve been the last few days and to tell you just how difficult it has been the last week. I started practicing on WEDNESDAY and the competition was on FRIDAY! And all things considered, especially the fact that we were debating against universities, I think we all did really really well.

Debaters, you tell me!

In the end, none of the 2 HELP and 3 CHS teams broke through to the octo-finals (only HELP 1 qualified to break, but they didn’t), but I had a lot of fun. So much fun that it almost, I repeat, almost overrides the fear of the impending screwing I’m going to get on Monday due to the fact that I have not touched my college holiday homework at all. Which I intend to go do something about… After this gets posted up!

YOU TAKE MY HAND AND DRAG ME HEADFIRST, FEARLESS.

2010-02-18T23:08:00.001+08:00

I am addicted.

I am scared, nervous, and excited about tomorrow. I don’t want to fuck up. And I’m scared that I will. But I am addicted all the same.

Sometimes I feel like 5 posts on the main page is way too small for this blog and the frequency at which I blog. But I love to write. I love to tell people what’s going on in my head. Yet I don’t want to assume that people find everything I say important and useful and inspiring. So 5 posts it is.

Now to return to my nail-biting.

Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.

- Dandamis, sage (4c BCE)

OH, MY GOD.

2010-02-17T19:51:00.001+08:00

The word was

“CONTRADICTORY”

!!!

JUST A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR;

2010-02-14T12:12:00.001+08:00

This is a quickie before I head out on my angpow-collecting rounds.

HAPPY YEAR OF THE TIGER!

And couples aside, to those celebrating Singleton’s Awareness Day (with me!), here’s to us:

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh :D

SEASONS ARE CHANGING;

2010-02-13T12:55:00.001+08:00

Jimmy Durante – Make Someone Happy

My parents come alive every time we come back to Penang. This morning, Mom borrowed my cousin’s bicycle and cycled all the way to the temple in Pulau Tikus which is 5km away. Then she cycled back and was home before I even got out of bed. She’s so chipper right now that even the prospect of having to help prepare two reunion dinners tonight couldn’t get her down. Dad puts his computer in front of the window and every time a breeze blows through and ruffles up the sea-green curtains of his room, he stops tapping on the keyboard for a few moments and sighs with happiness. To them, their hometown is an escape from their workload back in KL, hectic city life and a return to their comfort zone.

I am a city girl born and bred, and so sometimes Penang can drive me fairly crazy because hardly anything happens here. All the rockstars perform in KL and Singapore, and all the happening events, rallies and gatherings start in KL. Good movies take weeks to arrive here. Like the time I was here after my class trip last year, I nearly went nuts because everything was so stiff and sleepy.

It’s not like that for me all the time, though. Most times I can appreciate what my parents see in this place. It’s a refreshing change from the intense materialism that comes with city life. Having spent at least a quarter of my life here, I’ve been made equal parts Penang girl and KL-ite. Here, no one will bat an eyelid if you wandered out on the street wearing sandals with socks or rat-eaten shorts and t-shirts. In Penang, most traders actually smile at you in a really warm and friendly manner. Even the younger ones. Back in KL, the only ones that smile at you are the old shopkeepers. The younger sales assistants are so sour-faced that it puts me off buying anything in their shops. KL is a happening place and it’s great for me because it means life is never dull. But life there can seem awfully superficial at times. There’s a niceness about Penang people that sets them apart.

On the whole, Penang people are not just nice. They are different. The girls are spunkier, the boys are less brash, and the atmosphere is more welcoming in general. It is a lot less happening, but the general warmth of the people can make up for it.

And Penang food is awesome. There really is no question about that.

(Which reminds me, I REALLY REALLY have to get started on my Malaysian Studies scrapbook. But I digress. Unrelated topic counter #1 –.-)

My parents are true-blue Penang-ites. Practicality goes, not appearance. Almost everything they own is over 5 years old. Take care not to be hypnotized by the glittering city lights; don’t lose yourself here in KL. More than once, people have told me how nice my parents are. They’re serious on the surface but it’s not that they don’t have a sense of humor; like me, they just have a different sense of humor. I tell them it’s because they’re Penang people, although I don’t know what makes them that way.

My dad’s hypothesis is this: if you grow up in a beautiful environment i.e. surrounded by wind and sea and hill, and always have good food on the table, it gives you a certain confidence. Rather than growing up in a concrete jungle hemmed in by the latest technology, in rural areas you get to run free. *cue Born Free theme song!*

What he says is true to some extent. So why are the HELP students from other states so shy and less outgoing than the KL-ites? Maybe it’s the sheer volume of the KL-ites that intimidates them and puts them off. In truth, I think the kids from other states may have a lot more substance than the KL-ites. Because it’s as if being born in the centre of all that’s hip and happening in this country has given us a special status above all the other more ulu (backward) places.

Don’t be fooled. You can be so much better than us if you’d just let yourselves shine, the part of you that was born free. Remember that old saying from some cheesy old movie (yes, I like cheesy old movies!)? You can take a girl (or boy) out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of a girl (or boy).

Most of what you see is just a lie built up to make it seem important, needed and imperative for growth and progress, when actually it’s about as deep as a rain-puddle. We judge and we are judged daily by appearance and achievements, and extraversion is everything. Here, the more extraverted you are the better, even if it means getting in people’s faces while you’re at it. Those who aren’t extraverted try so hard to be so and ultimately fail because they don’t realize that you can never be who you’re not meant to be. And when they fail they become sour-faced shop assistants who put you off buying their own wares.

By all means have fun here in KL. Go out and watch the latest movies, rock it out at concerts, watch plays and try out all there is to try. But don’t be intimidated by the people. Look past our outward loudness and see people who turn to putty without their iPod, hand phone and internet connection. See people who balk at the idea of 10-day jungle treks and tending to mentally retarded orphans. Board an LRT, ride it to the end and get off without ever once speaking to anyone, making eye contact or seeing anyone smile. See people who look down on someone who doesn’t speak the same, dress the same, watch the same TV shows, listen to the same music and ultimately, doesn’t think the same. See people like that, and realize that this is what city life does to young people. See people like that, and don’t be intimidated. Know that you’re so much better than we are. Then prove it to us.

Take care not to be hypnotized by the glittering city lights; don’t lose yourself. Like we often do.

A TRIBUTE TO HIGH SCHOOL.

2010-02-12T23:37:00.001+08:00

I’m re-reading my blog of 2009. Two thoughts came to mind, the first being: I wonder what happened to the writer I used to be?

I used to come out with some whacky, spontaneous post or a long thought-provoked ramble every couple of days or so. I was pretty consistent. It was easy to come up with something to say.

What on earth has college done to reduce my writing skills to that of a third-grader?

Re-reading the blog of 2009 has made me realize one other thing: I am really, really proud to be a part of the graduating class of CHS 2009.

The first two years of high school were emotionally tense and full of drama. Every few days we’d hear about someone bitching and backstabbing someone else. The kids regarded as “cool” were always involved in some disciplinary issues every other day. It got so tense that at one point, I really looked forward to the holidays. Being emo was the norm, and everyone was going around saying, “Life sucks.”

Form 3 was the let’s-have-fun, damn-the-consequences year. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but for me it was because that was my very first year (in my entire life!) in a B class. I had never experienced that kind of wildness and lackadaisity towards studies that the 3B3 environment provided. I rather took to it, and it was a sort of miracle that I pulled out of that year with straight As for the PMR, a distinction for Grade 7 Piano and my first boyfriend in my hat.

Form 4 was the year everyone started to get serious. How could they not, with the whole science-or-arts streaming thing going on? Seeing our seniors face the SPM also lent to the pressure; oh shit that’s gonna be us NEXT YEAR thoughts started cropping up. On top of that, we were also being given bigger, more significant responsibilities, and at the end of the year, many of us were awarded posts in clubs and societies which we had to receive with both hands and meet head-on.

In other words, many of us grew up, even if only a little. On the whole, we realized that some grudges, judgements and relationships were so petty that they were never worth holding on to. So we let them go and looked for better things that we thought worth our time.

And then came Form 5.

If I had a look at everyone’s 2009 resolutions, I’d bet they’d all look more or less the same:

Study hard for SPM!
Make up with everybody before I leave high school.
Have fun!

The gist of it was DO NOT REGRET THIS YEAR.

Compared to the first year of high school, there was hardly any drama… At least, none that I was aware of, and none that was not resolved within a reasonable time frame. For many of us (myself included) this was the first time we experienced the joy of learning and of working with people you’ve been around for 5 years. Many of us took the pains to make up with every person we’d ever fallen out with, and maintain good relations with everyone else. The atmosphere on graduation day would have been really rosy, bar certain incidents I will not mention for the sake of consistency in this post.

If you notice, the happier years of high school were Form 3 and Form 5, which were the years of the PMR and SPM. What is it about exams that brings students closer? Maybe it’s the long hours of cramming, and the numerous study groups, many of them pulled together at the last minute, many of them ineffective but fun. Maybe it’s the feeling that we’re all facing a common enemy, and that even though exams reflect individualistic performances, if we worked together we’d pull through somehow. Hence all the note-sharing and exams tips being yelled from classroom to classroom. Maybe it’s addiction to the feeling of triumph that we get when we tackle a particularly difficult subject and win. (You have no idea how high I felt when I scored my first ever A1 for Chemistry in the trials!)

Or maybe we were just a bunch of particularly kiasu, typically Chinese students.

Whatever the reason, my point is that exams are not big bad events. Exams are not to be feared. Because really, unless you’re dyslexic or have serious learning disabilities, the only reason anyone does not do well in exams is because they didn’t work hard for it. I would go as far as saying that because of the way they can bring a group of people together and stimulate mentally, exams are to be welcomed and looked forward to. I know I secretly did.

Now you know how much of a nerd I am. –___-

Exams make up much of your high school life, and like it or not your attitude towards exams is going to make or break your high school experience. If you meet and treat exams right, you’ll not only enjoy high school but you’ll come out of it never fearing exams ever again.

I know we did. CHS 2009. Most of the people around me anyway. I remember coming to school in the days before exams for history study groups and drawing stickmen stories on the board to illustrate the story of the Birth of Islam. I remember sitting together with the people I fondly call the Chemistry Giants (David and Prashanth) and the Physics Genius (Hock Eu) and feeling rather insignificant while going through everything with them but having fun anyway. (Whether or not they remember this I don’t know and I doubt it, but thanks guys! I had fun, just so you know!) Sadly I was never a genius in anything except English.

I need to wrap up right now, and I think I shall regret this in the morning. I just don’t have the gift of bringing a story out spontaneously and well at the same time! But my point is that my last year of high rocked because I was given the grace of appreciating every minute of it while it was happening. That and I was surrounded by an awesome batch of students. (: It helps to appreciate it right now, because it helps when you get to college. It’s so different from the cushiony environment that high school was, but I don’t miss high school. I have no regrets because I had fun all the way through Form 5.

Safe to say, I think my earlier worry at the beginning of this post has been unfounded, or at least partly. *grins*

AND THEN WHO KNOWS?

2010-02-12T12:44:00.001+08:00

If you’ve been following my Twitter for the past week or so, you may have noticed that I was complaining a lot about homework homework homework and never specifying what kind of homework it was.

Well guess what everybody, HOMEWORK was actually a codename for something else I was working on! And that thing was…

KIMBERLEY WONG’S FAREWELL GIFT :D

(ohmygod, failed attempt at being a code-speaking spy –.- I will obviously never make the FBI.)

The farewell was on Tuesday, and on Monday afternoon I was panicking so badly that I asked Hock Eu to come over and help. In about 3.5 hours, we managed to turn a pile of sugar paper, black cardboard, metal, and 74 photos into… THIS:

I give you my favourite two pages of the whole album:

I started laughing every time I looked at this page.

See here for what they did to the album after I gave it over to Hock Eu to complete. (:

I wasn’t able to make it to the farewell itself, but I HOPE I MADE YOU CRY, KIMBERLEY! :D

Have a smashing time in Australia and don’t scare away too many kangaroos. (: